Humor
it's not you it's Wii
Campus Times makes terrible mistake, allows asexual man to write Valentine’s Day article*
Now, with the versatile new Nintendo Switch™ console, I can finally experience true emotional intimacy. And you can, too, for just $299.99! Read More
dangerous slurry
Kids love chemicals
The modern Four Loko was nerfed by Big Water, forcing the removal of caffeine, but it’s still a dangerous slurry of sugar and alcohol. Read More
capitalism
Help, my roommate took ECON 108!
I was willing to overlook the basic annoyances, such as his grumbling “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” when we’d pass food being given out. Read More
avian trafficking
Birding club takes flight
Birding Club has realized what the vast majority of onlookers have known for quite some time: These birds are fucking lame. Read More
elevators will be elevators
TikTok trend spurs rise in campus elevators thefts
Close acquaintances of the dirty, dirty criminals claimed that one party “would sneak his hand in at the last second to feel how tight it squeezed." Read More
it's wet
Puddle-palooza!
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been sneak-attacked by a puddle on my treks across campus. A puddle. Read More
cult
Pep-less in Seattle
If greatness, achievement, or Ohio State’s Best Damn Band In The Land tickles your fancy, ditch those high hopes for rugby and a worn-out kazoo. Read More
dystopian future
“Love? In THIS economy?”
In a nation crumbling under political strife and the imminent threat of global warming, there’s clearly one issue that should take precedence above all others: my love life. Read More
bean there done that
Coffee! The all natural pick-me-up!
Due tomorrow does in fact mean do tomorrow. Read More