April Fools

Good advice Brian

Well, that’s too bad – I’m actually just going to gatekeep all of this information. You won’t get a peep out of me. Read More

Getting touched by the boogeyman

At the tender age of 18, I was horribly frightened by such stories. After all, I didn’t want to be taken away to the dark lands by the Boogeyman. Read More

Mangelsdorf spotted protesting for Palestine, pledges to support students

“My responsibility as [UR’s] president is to protect and support students,” Mangelsdorf told the crowd. Read More

This is awkward: I have a full back tattoo of Kanye and Jay-Z passionately embracing

Last week, I was at the public pool, about to swim a few laps, but I couldn’t even make it through one without being relentlessly mocked for my tattoo. Read More

Don’t save the bees!

And you know what the worst part of it is? Not a single one of them apologized afterward. They just went back to their frivolous bee activities. Read More

Exclusive interview: the little guys inside the Wilco speakers

In an exclusive interview with the CT on Sunday, I sat down with Dirm Pittleford, the chieftain of the little guys in the Wilco speakers, to find out more. Read More

A timely appeal to the youth: Mangelsdorf covers Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’

So I figure, good ol’ Tay Tay Swizzy is the bridge to make my anti-union stances clear—maybe these damn kids will finally shut the hell up.” Read More

Publisher resignation

Emmely I’m coming for you. Read More

Humor editor resignation

Therefore, I have no choice but to set foot in a new direction. Read More

Copy chief resignation

Don’t let the chilling erosion of our culinary freedom distract you; instead look again at the quotation marks. Read More