Archive: Mar 2001
Horoscopes
Coming up with 12 horoscopes every week can get pretty boring. I mean, who really feels like writing about other people all the time? For this edition, I decided it would be more fun to write about myself. I happen to be a Leo, so everyone else whose sign is the lion got lucky this […]
Danforth voted number one restaurant in Rochester
Heads up Admissions, it?s time to add another shining credential to the UR pre-frosh bulletins. I can just see it now ? it will be recorded right next to the ?Three-time recipient of the Parking Services Award for Excellence in Customer Satisfaction.? Broadcast in a blue and dandelion yellow blaze of glory, it will be […]
Don't Argue
I am always right. Deal with it. I don?t have to justify things because well ... I?mTmas Perez. The ultimate latin lover.As argument is futile, here is a listing of random opinions which are correct.Abba Gold is better than the A*Teens, but both are good. Britney?s breasts are real. Its a hydrobra. Dolly Parton?s are […]
Steaming pile of whale poo
Six months at sea! Yes, reader, as I live, six months out of sight of land; cruising after the sperm-whale beneath the scorching sun of the Line, and tossed on the billows of the wide-rolling Pacific--the sky above, the sea around, and nothing else! Weeks and weeks ago our fresh provisions were all exhausted. There […]
Editorial Recall
We at the Campus Times would like to let our readers in on a little secret.Virtually every editorial ? and a fair degree of the news articles ? that have appeared until now in the CT have been bald-faced lies. We could say that we?ve been doing this to yank the chain of the administration, […]
What you say!!
Someone set up us the bomb.How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time.Take off every ?zig? for great justice!
Idle Threats
Astro-guru an idiotI am writing in regards to your weekly horoscope. During a break between classes I decided to read my horoscope to see what the stars have to predict about my life. Being the smart Cancer that I am, I realized that your ?Astro-guru? claimed that I am kind, which is not true. In […]
Freshman housing just a joke, Jackson says
President Thomas Jackson emerged from Wallis Hall Friday to unveil freshman housing as a practical joke he has been playing on the university for the last four years.?I?ve pulled some pranks in my day, but this is really my finest hour. Even the Board of Trustees was fooled,? Jackson giggled. ?Tee hee hee hee hee.?Professor […]
Story A
Story A: Your judgment is obviously clouded. We?ll make this choice for you. Report directly to Story B.
Stupid stories no one cares about
Through a new ad campaign, the Protestant Chapel Community formalized its decision to reject the Christ figure, traditionally considered the focal point of the religion.Multicolored posters hung all over campus urging students to ?Worship Rocks!?PCC leaders said the move was designed to ease students into the harsh rigors of formal worship.?After all, when you learn […]