Through a new ad campaign, the Protestant Chapel Community formalized its decision to reject the Christ figure, traditionally considered the focal point of the religion.

Multicolored posters hung all over campus urging students to ?Worship Rocks!?

PCC leaders said the move was designed to ease students into the harsh rigors of formal worship.

?After all, when you learn CPR, you practice on a dummy,? said Greg Osterberg, Protestant chaplain. ?This program lets students give having a lord and savior a try, before they make any real commitments.?

He cited a declining attendance at Protestant services and decreased interest in PCC programming as evidence of the need for such a change.

?I even pierced my ear and got a ?Jesus rules? temporary henna tattoo,? Osterberg said. ?But nothing seemed to convince kids that devoting one?s life to charity, chastity and moral behavior could be as exciting as daytrading.?

The ?Worship Rocks? program is simple. Students pick up a slab of brimstone, shist or obsidian from the Purgatory Level of the Interfaith Chapel.

They also receive a ?Caring for your Idol? brochure, with instructions about supplication, offerings and blind devotion.

Support for the new campaign has been low.

?I don?t know,? said senior religion major Matt Moffa. ?I?m used to my gods being fiery and cryptic, like Ba?al or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in ?Ghostbusters.??

The new activity did not surprise Brian Krazy-Kool, Catholic chaplain.

?Those crazy Protestants have been worshipping false idols ever since Henry VIII decided to off his wives,? Krazy-Kool said. ?That?s why we Catholics carve our rocks into statues before we worship them.?

Campus Todds bond

together in union of love

Two prominent UR Todds have joined together to improve negotiations and get better benefits for all Todds of the university.

The new coalition, called Todd Union, was founded by sophomore Todd Hildebrandt and Take Five Scholar Todd Pipitone.

?We need a forum where every Todd can speak his voice and affect vital policy that impacts Todds,? Hildebrandt said.

The group has lofty goals for the future.

?In time, we?re hoping to hire an associate provost to look at the issues Todds face and coordinate programming for Todds across UR.?

Seven other Todds attended the union?s interest meeting on Tuesday ? which Todd Union now refers to as ?Toddsday.? After holding hands and singing ?We Are the World,? they elected Pipitone as president.

?I?m the biggest Todd, so I figure that it?s only my due,? Pipitone said.

Dow down

Dean of the River Campus Libraries Ron Dow fell from his seat on a ledge in the Great Hall of Rush Rhees Library during the dedication of the W.E.B. Rich Memorial Broom Closet yesterday.

Dow lost his balance while trying to perch on the narrow, 3.5-foot-high mahogany mantle with his hands full of appetizers.

?I certainly took a tumble,? Dow said.

The equestrian team, led by Jen King, Hillel program director, was unable to restore him to his previous position.

?We tried to get him together again, but he had spilled Cheez-Its on his tie and really mussed his hair,? King said. ?Even the horses couldn?t get the crumbs out of his cords.?

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