We at the Campus Times would like to let our readers in on a little secret.

Virtually every editorial ? and a fair degree of the news articles ? that have appeared until now in the CT have been bald-faced lies. We could say that we?ve been doing this to yank the chain of the administration, but the truth is that we?ve been doing it out of ennui.

You wouldn?t believe how bored you can get sitting around waiting on the copy desk for hours Wednesday nights.

Anyway, the time has come to set you straight.

We knew all along that Who Cares? Guy was a sure bet for the SA Presidency, since the CT controls campus voting. We?re sorry we gave you false hope like that, Mindy. Although your lack of hair in the photo should have been a tip-off.

We were actually the driving force behind freshman housing. Dean of the College William Green is merely one of our unwitting pawns. The entire freshman housing project was really just our way to screw with ICLC and get revenge on frats that are not Delta Upsilon.

Our photography department would like to thank the Students? Association Appropriations Committee for their recent and generous bribe. Keep up the good work, gentlemen. We support you.

We have no comment on Admissions Director Jamie Hobba.

Daryl is still around? Wow. Shouldn?t he have graduated or something?

We would like to offer a formal apology the last 128 years. We are really, really sorry. Honestly.

Letter to the Editor: “Israel-Palestine from a Jewish staff member”

I am able to step back and disengage when I am not listening in good faith. I am also sorely aware that this ability is not afforded to Palestinians.

Letter to the Editor: “A call for nuance”

It feels like, whether praising or criticizing Israel, I must add "but..." so as not to appear too firmly opinionated.

Brooks Crossing Apartments Barbershop: CutzbyOzzy

Walking into the ‘barbershop,’ you’ll be greeted by Garcia with an apron on and clippers in hand, a barber chair, a full professional clipping set, and customers chatting with Ozzy’s latest DJ set in the background.