UR Joking

A comprehensive guide to common sense nap control

NEVER NAP WITH YOUR BODY POINTED NORTH SOUTH. The lay lines could wash over you and cause your subconscious to capsize.  Read More

Do You Hear the People Sing? Singing the Song of English Majors

In stolen moments they scribble short stories about forests onto paper that remembers what it means to be a tree. Read More

Why Delaware isn’t real

It would look pretty bad for Biden if he had no political experience before becoming Vice President, right? He would have had no credibility. Read More

Stalking people on the Internet? You must be a Certified Bona Fide Journalism Man™!

No, Aunt Petricia, it would not be ethical for me to write an article about your famous beef stew, no matter how many it has inspired. Read More

The Freshman Guide to Making Friends

Walk up to someone, get on your knees, and shout, “PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!!!” Bonus points if you start hysterically sobbing. Read More

The Demonic Nature of Innovative Technology

Elkay EZO8WSSK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler Hands Free Activation Refrigerated Stainless, Stainless Steel Read More

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

You no longer need to make thermite at home, you can buy it in coffee cans. But it is kinda steep and you will need to cut the coffee out. Read More

An open letter to junior year

I made a bulleted list. Why? To convince myself that if I’ve survived what I deem pretty damn miserable, I can really do anything. Read More

There are freshmen in your walls

⛧ n̸̪̎̋à̶̡̜͔̍͐͝m̵̜̠̣͉̬̋̈́͘e̵̜͚̥͆̅̃̈́́ ̸̘̩̒̂ą̶̭̖̓̑n̴͎̍͆͗̋͐d̸̠̔ͅ ̸͕̻͔̪̙̽͛m̴̝̫̪̀͐ą̷̿̒̊̈ĵ̷͎̜̭̈́̄̀ö̷̳̫̥͓̭r̴̹̰̘̱͗̿͋̄̈́?̶̙̫̠̖͖̔̽ ⛧ Read More

The maze formally known as Gilbert Hall

It’s okay to turn a blind eye to abusing the laws of the natural world. All this reporter can do is turn around and walk out of Gilbert.  Read More