Hello all of you sleepy eyed individuals. 

We’re roughly a month in and you know what that means! Classes have properly started! No more goofing off, no more seeing your friends, let alone the light of day, and most importantly, no more stability of any sort. Classes feel like I’m playing an awful game of four-dimensional chess, only to discover it was five-dimensional chess this whole time and I am dumb. 

I can never find a dedicated chunk of time to sit down and actually make substantial headway against the monsoon of problem sets and labs. When the planets miraculously align, presenting me with a silent work environment with nothing to do for a few hours, my bed is unfortunately just around the corner. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am partial to the study spaces around campus, but find even the coziest of spaces harsh, unpleasant, and inhospitable. They’re perfect to polish off that one last question in a problem set, or full send an email. But I find them far too busy with far too little amenities to really hunker down for a few hours. That’s when I chose my dorm as a study space, which has the potential to work quite well. The main problem is that I’ve associated it quite well with rest (if bed, then sleep). 

I’ve unfortunately become accustomed to a work life balance this summer, which has leaked over to my academics. When I’m on campus, I’m going ham. When I’m home, I am not. So when I do make the 15-minute trek to Riverview after a day of classes, I want nothing more than to rest my head. As the late Jimmy Buffett once said, “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” He could not be any more true and for me that means nap time.

Naps are a dangerous thing. Some are convinced a nap will reprehensibly damage one’s sleep cycle. More rational folk are convinced that it will only delay sleep to an unreasonably late hour. I support common sense nap control. Naps aren’t dangerous if you know how to use them. Napping is distinctly different from sleeping. Sleep is routine, whereas naps are anything but. For naps to work, you must desire for the nap to be successful. You must want to wake up fairly soon and feel well rested to a degree where you can now accomplish a task you could not have otherwise. 

Too much talk

Now for tips and tricks and a guide

  1. NEVER NAP WITH YOUR BODY POINTED NORTH SOUTH. The lay lines could wash over you and cause your subconscious to capsize. 
  2. The less it feels like proper sleep, the better you’ll feel! Try and sleep in your normal clothes.(don’t get too comfy)
  3. Listen to loud music. This will wake up the sand man so he can get sand all up in your blankets. He will also get annoyed with the noise and retract the sand in a very short amount of time, resulting in waking.
  4. DO NOT COUNT SHEEP (have you seen sheep prices these days?)
  5. Try to focus on the black nothingness painted on the inside of your eyelids. Initially, you may think there’s nothing to focus on. But allow the void to draw you in. You must become susceptible to the vast expanses of the ether. Only once you concede may your subconscious float off into sleep. This is the most important step. The goal is to literally bore your own mind to the point where sleep is more entertaining. 
  6. ALWAYS SET AN ALARM! Studies have found the most effective naps are conducted in 20 minutes or less. Start by setting a timer for 45 minutes and work your way down. The shorter the better!
  7. ALWAYS SET A MENTAL ALARM! This is by far the hardest part. You must want to actually wake up and be productive. Before falling asleep, it is best to keep telling yourself that you absolutely have to wake up. If your brain is primed to wake up in a timely manner, then it will. Ideally, you’ll hear the alarm and shoot up like a rocket.

Take heed of the final step, as I’ve heard it’s common to rest fitfully when too much emphasis is put on waking up. 

Now go! Go for a nap! Try it out for yourself! You will arise and be merry. You will have unparalleled energy to conquer distant lands and daunting webworks. My time has come and I must go, for I have become sleepy, the goer to beds. 

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