Humor
finals season
POV: help
I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes. Read More
eldritch taxes
The Taxman cometh
I know He is tempting me. The more I profit, the more he can take from me. Read More
fear not our benevolent creator
Gender vs. God: Tips and tricks to escape the vengeful hand of a benevolent omnipotent being
Passover is underway, and if you are unlucky enough to be male, goy, and firstborn, it is a truly terrifying time indeed. Read More
Cover Letter
The yearn to earn
From the day I became self-aware, I have desired to devote a literal third of my entire adult life to working for you. At your very company! Read More
do the worm squirm
April showers… mean worm hours?
It’s a graveyard of fallen earthworm soldiers, and if you dare to blink while walking, you are liable to end up christening your new Nikes with Eau de Worm. Read More
conspiracy!
A message from David Byrne
Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government. Read More
emp
EMP blamed for internet wipe out
On Thursday, an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) was detonated in the 3M stacks within Rush Rhees Library, effectively shutting down the Internet on River Campus. Read More
human sacrifice
Plans for Third New Religious Center Announced
A third center will now be joining their ranks — a building to facilitate the practice of the Harga. Read More
alumni funding
Alumni-funded religious centers to be built in place of Hoeing and Gilbert tree stumps
The three large remaining tree stumps mark where the Greenbaum Center for Jewish Life, the Catholic Newman Center Building, and the Harga Flower Center are to be built. Read More
