UR Joking
bowl
How to celebrate the Super Bowl like a pro
The Super Bowl was actually a 24-hour-long celebration of foods served in humanity’s greatest invention known as the bowl. Read More
baby
Baby presses charges against mother for being born
the birth was so unsatisfactory that the plaintiff received auditory and visual trauma from the disgust and harassment from the doctors, as well as sustained neglect from the mother subsequent to their birth. Read More
music
A letter to my guitar
Ever since I bought you with my hard-earned money, you’ve brought me nothing but joy. Unlike couples who argue and fight, I can always enjoy your company. Read More
Danforth
The downfall of the plateocracy
Now, forks are able to be reunited with families. Plates are able to go home after decades in the kitchen. Spoons are able to live life on the dry-side, no longer submerged in sloppily executed imitations of soups and sauces. Read More
groundhog
Groundhog Day
as per the groundhog way of life, students will be required to return to their dorms immediately after the ceremony and hibernate until the first dandelion (a groundhog’s delicacy) sprouts from the ground. Read More
articles
‘Well-informed’ opinion once again submitted without any sources
In a society full of rampant misinformation and blatantly biased news sources, the Campus Times is proud to work with extremely well-researched opinion articles that are submitted without any references to sources. Read More
meliora
New pillow is ultra Meliora
With the help of our P.I., we’re working on making the Pillow versatile enough to handle the emotional and physical weight of crying, pissing, and shitting as well. Read More
Cover Letter
Flirting with your hiring managers
If you’d allow me the pleasure of gracing the hallowed halls of your esteemed company, it would endear me greatly. Read More
Black Friday
The first gifting games of Black Friday
It’s that time of year again: Black Friday. Read More
life changing
Life-changing scam emails
Navigating the world of scam emails can be complex, but once you learn the ropes on how to maximize the dopamine rushes from these emails, your life will be changed forever. Read More
