Satire
Satire
Letter to the Editor: In Defense of Coronas
Why does everyone keep talking about Coronas coming from China? It’s definitely a Mexican beer. My Mom says I go to a New Ivy and am very intelligent. Read More
Narratives
Ken Jennings crowned king of ‘Jeopardy!,’ becomes vaguely famous
Jennings defeated longtime rival Brad Rutter and newcomer James Holzhauer, and is now even occasionally recognized when walking down the street. Read More
CT Feet
CT Feet: I kidnap other students and steal their shoes, and you should too
Kidnapping (or as we say in the industry, “assisted vacation”) can be an exciting way to make quick cash, as well as some new friends! Read More
Better CDCS
Ever Better CDCS
No amount of rearranging your labs and workshops will ever make Orgo go away, you poor suckers. Dump those "required" courses and take these ones instead! Read More
Nine Trey Bloods
Seligman indicted for affiliation with Nine Trey Bloods
The University President is the latest to be linked to the infamous gang by rapper 6ix9ine, also known as David Hernandez, also known as "Snitch." Read More
sexuality
UR Tech: How to insert a USB drive sensually, carnally, and right-side up
First you should make sure the rigid little guy you’ve got in your hand is, in fact, a USB. Could it be a shiny Lego, or a penis? Read More
CT Recommends
CT Recommends: Wikipedia
The official Campus Times guide to using Wikipedia! Pro-tip: Be sure not to get Google.com’s and Wikipedia’s “search bars” confused. They look very alike. Read More
jobs
Make crazy money while still going to school with this one weird trick!
Getting a part time job at the University seems like a good idea, but you should avoid doing so at all costs. Here are three easy steps to make mega moolah in college! Read More
Politics
Punxsutawney Phil gives State of the Forest address
From Bernie Loonders to Sean Parrotty, reactions were strong to President Punxsutawney Phil's State of the Forest Address. Read More
Satire
The difficulties of living in Genesee Hall
You would think Genesee Hall to be perfect, but it actually has more problems than any of the others. Even the freshman quad. Read More
