Humor
Humor
Four ways to improve your always improving Yik Yak game
Many people, mainly freshmen, have come and asked me to provide some helpful insight to improve their “Yik Yak” game. I avoided doing this for a while–a magician doesn’t reveal his secrets–but certainly I was pressurized. Thus, I reveal to you my dear “yakers,” the secrets to increase your upvote average (and inherently your self-confidence, […]
Grace Peters
Weekly weather report
This Tuesday, we can expect clear, sunny skies and a high of 66 degrees. A little odd for November, perhaps, but I’m not complaining. Wednesday’s prediction drops down from Tuesday’s to a chillier 46 degrees with scattered clouds. Sounds more like Rochester weather to me - definitely more expected. Thursday, we will have a predicted […]
Chris Horgan
10 ways to make politics better
1. Make Obama follow through with the change thing. Yesterday, I was at the Pit, and I was short 30 cents for my salad – where was Obama to provide the change? Also, change ObamaCare to ObamaCares – it just sounds less like caveman. 2. Instead of making students take the SAT’s to get […]
Chris Horgan
Some ways to make your losing NFL team better
We are midway through the NFL season and some teams are not doing so well. Here are my suggestions to help those teams tackle their problems. 1. Hire Shakespeare as your offensive and defensive coordinator. If you want to win, you need creativity to keep the other team guessing. Who better to write and call […]
Chris Horgan
’Twas the night before midterms
’Twas the night before midterms, and all through the dorms, Not a student was Netflixing, against weekly norms. The notebooks were held by students with care, “What time is this test? And do I know where?” Hours and hours to prepare for the day, In hopes that come grading, they’re given an A. While visions […]
Humor
Halloween 2015 costume suggestions
Now that Halloweekend has come to a close, students are already thinking about their hypothetical costumes for next year. Here is a list of best Halloween costumes for 2015: Couple costumes: 1. Mortar and pestle 2. Neil and Louis Armstrong 3. Electrical outlet and plug 4. Jack Black and Jack White 5. Oprah Winfrey and […]
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A new poll finds that 21 percent of students at Harvard are virgins. Sounds like homework isn’t the only thing students are doing. 2. The UN panel has advised nations to invest in preparing for “irreversible” effects from global warming. After some debate as to what topic to address first, the UN agreed this […]
Humor
Starbucks to release ‘steamy’ new compilation CD
UR Starbucks has announced its plan to create a compilation CD with self-described “tastemakers” WRUR. The disc will reportedly cross into the avant-garde as it attempts to chronicle “all those times that annoying person in front of you in line complains about a given first-world problem.” Experts in the fledgling Eastman “School” have described the […]
Humor
Could be a coincidence
I’ve been at UR for a little while now. That being said, I haven’t been able to get over some things that seem too suspicious to be purely coincidental. For example, a lot of people in charge have the first name “Dean” for some reason. Let’s see, there’s Dean Burgett, Dean Burdick… Another thing is […]
Humor
Democrats initiate new ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ for Mid-term Elections
With mid-term elections arriving in less than a week, Democrats are strategizing to prevent the imminent Republican majority control of both houses of Congress. Historically unable to sustain turnout in the boring elections, party leaders have chosen the viral ice bucket challenge as their trump card this November. Fearful that Republican- controlled Congress could squander […]
