We are midway through the NFL season and some teams are not doing so well. Here are my suggestions to help those teams tackle their problems.
1. Hire Shakespeare as your offensive and defensive coordinator. If you want to win, you need creativity to keep the other team guessing. Who better to write and call plays than Shakespeare?
2. The NY Jets are a disappointment, and yet they are satisfying to Bills fans, 1-7. The only suggestion I have for them is to have QB Geno Smith practice throwing a lot more. He needs all the practice he can get, and throwing in the towel doesn’t count as a pass.
3. The Oakland Raiders are having an awful time trying to score points. With this in mind, maybe they could make some sort of push for a rule change in the NFL to mimic golf. Lowest score wins, anybody?
4. If you’ve seen some games, you know that Houston has had a lot of chances to win games on the last drive, but have come up short. Here’s what you do. Sign a couple of priests, put them in at the end of the game, and pray that one of them can finish a Hail Mary.
5. Next week the Titans take on the Ravens’ occasionally explosive offense. To help stop the Ravens from scoring, the Titans should put some scarecrows in their end zone.
6. The Jaguars better find themselves a ballroom and a dance floor soon because they aren’t getting any opportunities.
7. That team in Washington should invest in a new data plan because their mobile quarterback is proving fragile. To make matters worse, Robert Griffin III’s receivers aren’t providing any reception.
8. Buccaneer’s fans are restless because the ordered play calling hasn’t been sufficient. Tampa Bay ought to get all of their players together on gameday for a team breakfast, feed everyone poultry, and hope that, come game time, players can just wing it.
9. There is a movie that came out in 1998. It’s about a dog named Air Bud who is an amazing football talent. If you sign him you’ll get nothing short of a man’s best friend, and at the least one very golden receiver.
10. Some people’s least favorite season is the winter, because it ruins their nice boots and the cold leaves them tingling. Sadly for Falcons’ and 49ers’ fans, their least favorite is beginning to look like football season. But, I want to give them hope by saying that there’s always last season.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.