Humor
Danforth
The downfall of the plateocracy
Now, forks are able to be reunited with families. Plates are able to go home after decades in the kitchen. Spoons are able to live life on the dry-side, no longer submerged in sloppily executed imitations of soups and sauces. Read More
groundhog
Groundhog Day
as per the groundhog way of life, students will be required to return to their dorms immediately after the ceremony and hibernate until the first dandelion (a groundhog’s delicacy) sprouts from the ground. Read More
articles
‘Well-informed’ opinion once again submitted without any sources
In a society full of rampant misinformation and blatantly biased news sources, the Campus Times is proud to work with extremely well-researched opinion articles that are submitted without any references to sources. Read More
meliora
New pillow is ultra Meliora
With the help of our P.I., we’re working on making the Pillow versatile enough to handle the emotional and physical weight of crying, pissing, and shitting as well. Read More
beans
Please stop messing with my pants
It started off with small things. One morning, the cuffs of my pants were slightly shorter, almost imperceptibly so. Read More
Cover Letter
Flirting with your hiring managers
If you’d allow me the pleasure of gracing the hallowed halls of your esteemed company, it would endear me greatly. Read More
Black Friday
The first gifting games of Black Friday
It’s that time of year again: Black Friday. Read More
