According to all known codes of morality, there is little reason that the University should build a 20-story-high parking lot.

Its existence would be too unsightly and its fat little body would block out the sun.

The University, of course, could build it anyway, because why would it care about what students think?

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! I love looking at pavement markings.

As you can see, I am a total proponent for the University building a 20-story-high parking lot. I believe that the University deserves it as a little treat. 

When I asked [Redacted] what he thought about this initiative, he declined to comment, saying that he believed the University should “go fuck itself” for its “parking issues.” Clearly a huge fan of the way that the University runs things!

I have to add that, sure, the total eclipse of the sun under the menacing shadow of the parking lot MIGHT bring negligible impacts upon the University, but the worst that can happen is a total ice age of everything in the path of the parking lot’s shadow. That’s a risk I’m willing to take for the sake of more parking on campus!




Why UR needs a 20-story parking lot on campus

As per tradition, “The State of the Campus Times” updates readers on our affairs — the Editor-in-Chief (EIC) and Publisher write this pseudo-column at the start and end of every semester to articulate the struggles and joys found through managing your local student-run newspaper. We also introduce ourselves and our projects, what we hope to achieve during our terms, and we provide progress updates regarding past management’s pursuits. Read More

Why UR needs a 20-story parking lot on campus

Through a live demonstration and tasting, Chef Dede prepared fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, and collard greens – dishes rooted in Black Southern history. Students leaned in as she explained the methods and care that go into each plate. Read More