Archives - Chris Horgan
Humor
Editors announce presidential run
After discussing a presidential campaign for a week, Erik Chiodo and Chris Horgan have decided that was enough forum. The following includes the platform for the presidential and vice presidential candidates, Chiodo and Horgan. Giving power back to the students Studies have shown that students at UR lack sufficient power, which is why, as a […]
Humor
Humor editor intervention: Horgan needs to contribute
This past Monday, humor editor and sophomore Erik Chiodo ‘17 sat down with fellow humor editor Chris Horgan ‘17 to hold an intervention. During the meeting, Chiodo didn’t hold any feelings back, immediately accusing Horgan of “not writing enough for the section.” “I like to think that I’m one with the student body, so if […]
Humor
Dear Chris: Common problems solved
Dear Chris: I spend all day doing work and, every night when I get into my bed, right as I close my eyes, I can’t help but hear a rhythmic pounding coming from the room above me. I hear grunts, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what they’re doing or how […]
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A Nevada bill that would allow sick pets to use medical marijuana is being introduced in the state legislature. Said one contemplative pet chicken to another, “Well, we’re gonna be baked anyways.” 2. A man in Pennsylvania attempted rolling in dog waste to avoid arrest. The plan failed. 3. A new study predicts that […]
Humor
Business ideas that didn’t work
1. Andrew Carnegie planned to come out with a steel-themed monopoly game but just decided to do it in real life instead. 2. A kissing booth featuring Judas. 3. Shaquille O’Neal opened up a photography studio but could never take a good shot. 4. Brutus attempted to open a massage therapy center. His fatal mistake? […]
Humor
A letter from the Easter Bunny
With Easter quickly approaching, it’s that time of year again. Recently, I have gotten some accusations that I am, in fact, a fraud. They say that there’s a conflict of interest in me delivering chocolate to every house because I sold my soul to the corporate market by allowing myself to be the poster-bunny for […]
Humor
Let’s play on words
1. The electric wiring in my house is unfixable, so I felt guilty giving the repair man an offer he couldn’t re-fuse. 2. Angels make poor friends because they aren’t down-to-Earth people. 3. Scheduling events for a friend is a good way to make their day. 4. Before Jesus walked on water, he did a […]
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A blind dog was rescued after being lost in the cold for over 2 weeks. “I would’ve found home a lot sooner if I had had a seeing-eye man,” said the dog. 2. Yet another aggressive owl strike has been reported in a small Dutch town. How many strikes does is take to get […]
Humor
Battling the cold
Despite midterms approaching, something else has been concerning students. For the past couple of weeks, UR has been hit with bitterly cold temperatures. It’s so cold that the George Eastman statue can’t feel his toes and the baseball team is wearing two gloves. In fact, ITS has received its highest amount of frozen computer screen […]
Humor
Let’s play on words
1. Every now and then, I stop and become concerned that my brain is missing, but then I realize that it’s all in my head. 2. Right before his nap, my golden retriever ate my favorite pair of argyle socks but won’t admit it. Then again, it’s probably best to let a sleeping dog lie. […]
