Humor
Humor
The merits of the long game
“There are many fish in the sea.” OK, I can concede that this is a stupid and overused line but it’s at least accurate, and in the context of a college campus where there are thousands of singles yearning for romance, it can become a mantra. The problem is, there are even more ways of […]
Humor
Physicist’s curiosity believed to have killed Schrodinger’s cat
A box found on the mantle in a recent estate sale of the newly-deceased, long-lost grandchild of Erwin Schrodinger was recently put up for auction. Knowing the potential significance, a world renowned physicist—who has preferred to remain anonymous due to safety after potential death threats from animal rights activists—chose to purchase the item. The box […]
Humor
Cold war heats up
Temperatures met a universal high this summer with July as the hottest month in recorded history, as well for the University of Rochester; students are still struggling with the deadly heat. Naive freshmen who brought only one fan along with their laundry hampers, flat screen TVs and cheap fridges are now paying the price. As […]
Humor
Tapingo creates aura of confusion
Tapingo, the new app that allows students to order menu items online before picking them up in person, has presented pronunciation problems around campus. “To-pay-and-go,” one student said quickly. “Topay-andgo.” “Topayn-go.” “Ta-payngo.” “Tapingo.” “Get it?! Because you pay, and then you go!” A more popular pronunciation of this new marvel is “Tap-‘n-go,” or a shortened, […]
Humor
A treatment for freshmanitis: Some tips for freshman year
Freshmanitis is an extremely contagious and potentially lethal condition if left untreated. However, as someone who has personally experienced this crippling disease, I have a few remedies that may ease some of the symptoms. Notice how I didn’t mention that the disease is curable. It has been the consensus of many scientists that freshmanitis generally […]
Humor
Seligman speechless before Convocation
Loosening his blue-and-yellow diamond-patterned necktie and easing comfortably into his leather wingback armchair, UR President Joel Seligman was shaken out of his brief pre-Convocation respite by the realization that he had forgotten to compose his speech. Seligman groaned, digging the bases of his palms into his temples. He glanced at his watch: 20 minutes until […]
Humor
Parents unappreciative of UR wordplay
With this most recent school year concluding, college and the opportunities it presents appear to be winding down for the majority of graduates. For example, just these past couple of weeks, I saw numerous students finishing their research regarding what that bright ball of light in the sky was; it is confirmed to be the […]
Humor
Advice for those who need it
Right now, a bunch of seniors are preparing to graduate, and they are probably asking themselves, “Where did the time go?” This is a good question. A question they probably aren’t asking is, “Hey, I wonder if Chris has any advice for the real world?” Well, if you didn’t ask that question, then I have […]
Humor
The end of an era
As the semester comes to an end and our beloved mascots begin to become a nuisance to campus picnics, two things are clear: the weather is too hot (I never thought I’d say that in Rochester), and a senior class will retire from its undergraduate college days to make room for incoming freshmen. Now if […]
Humor
In a campus far, far away
“I love you,” Susan B. Anthony said, staring into George Eastman’s eyes as he stood on the platform, ready to be lowered into the carbonite freezing chamber. “I know,” Eastman replied, as a slight suggestion of a smile appeared on his lips. The floor began to sink beneath him. This might be his last mistake, […]