“There are many fish in the sea.” OK, I can concede that this is a stupid and overused line but it’s at least accurate, and in the context of a college campus where there are thousands of singles yearning for romance, it can become a mantra.
The problem is, there are even more ways of catching those fish. Gone are the days of slow thoughtful courtship and grand gestures. The new era of college dating and hookups has been ushered in on the wings of Tinder, Snapchat, Dice, Facebook stalking, smiley-face emojis, and, of course, idiotic pick-up attempts at frat parties.
I’m here to proclaim that all of these low risk instant gratification methods can’t hold a candle to the true strategy: the long game. Tried and true, it is still the highest-rewarding plan even if it runs the highest risk of ending in the friend zone. The obvious and perhaps strongest pros of the long game are that you put yourself out there less (let’s be honest, nobody wants confrontation), and when you do finally “make the move,” you have the insurance of weeks or even months of work.
You will also accrue a wide range of knowledge on your intended (whether creepily from afar or from just being around), thus giving you an edge over your more aggressive competition.
There are however, advantages that are discussed less by desperate men and women who employ all these tactics. The increased exposure to your desired will allow you to realize whether you even can stand the person before you’ve entered into a contractual housing agreement or met their obnoxious, stuffy parents.
For instance, you’d never know how crazy someone might be over text, but give them five minutes in Starbucks before they’ve had their coffee and the true psycho will reveal him or herself. You’re welcome.
Now to the heart of the matter. The long game is just as faulty and pathetic as any other attempt to “make something happen” if utilized poorly. Let’s start this informative section with a list of some things not to do:
Don’t:
1. Care
2. Give the appearance of caring
3. Give any indication to their friends or a social media outlet that you care
4. Text them back within an hour of receiving a text from them. This way they’ll think you have more important things to think about and they’ll start to wonder what those things might be. “Maybe he’s a secret millionaire who invented an app I don’t care about.”
5. Text more than two emojis, because that shows you care.
6. Be around them when they’re sad because they might come to associate that emotion with you.
Do:
1. Smell really good
2. Let them catch you walking out of the gym (it does not matter if you’ve never been in the gym, just memorize their schedule and wait for them to walk by)
3. Create situations that allow you to organically show off your second best attributes (your best must be saved for the moment when you make the move).
4. Create in jokes with them that annoy everyone else around you
5. Be yourself (only when you’re sure they will like that—if not, change immediately!)
6. Be there
This last rule is a direct quote from the TV show “New Girl.” Anyone who watches could vouch that the show illustrates a perfect example of how to create and foster a healthy relationship out of thin air. For more information on this subject, watch that show.
Mistler-Ferguson is a member of the class of 2017.
