Articles by Danny

The University’s admissions department announced plans this past weekend that would revolutionize their recruitment strategy forever.Using the website Rent-a-hottie.com, the admissions department plans to rent “cool-looking college hotties” and place them around campus in order to “boost the aesthetic appeal of the college to perspective students,” Dean Greggory Forrester said. “We wouldn’t use too many, […]

A humor column describing the potential midlife crisis of UR President Joel Seligman. Read More

Due to an especially brutal and depressing winter this past year, UR’s administration has agreed to reopen the famous Hive Bar in Wilson Commons before the end of the year. This desperate attempt at boosting campus morale couldn’t have come at a better time. “It’s about God damn time!” senior Dana Hugey said. “We live […]

A satire on new pet safety laws in cars. Read More

UR students rush to get in shape for the upcoming vacation during "freak week." Read More

A humorous outlook on IBM's supercomputer, Watson, who competed on the gameshow "Jeopardy!." Read More

A humorous review of the most recent Superbowl. Read More

The removal of ingredients in Four Loko creates a new, weaker hybrid. Read More

After much deliberation, President Joel Seligman declared on Monday that Southside will be separating from the River Campus to form the new University of Rochester South Campus, Online. This secession is due to the realization that Valentine and deKiewiet Towers are “just too fucking far away,” Seligman said as he addressed the media yesterday. “When […]

Now that the Food and Drug Administration has banned Four Loko from New York State, founder David Jaffee is losing his mind. But he's managed to find quite a useful alternative for Four Loko by using the beverage as golf cart fuel. Read More