Archives - Brianna Lindsey

Help! My Upstairs Neighbors are having Fun

About that Irish step dance class… oof. That’s “totes not chill,” as I’m sure you and your hip friends have often put it. No hat, or something. 

Confessions of a homicide-report hopeful

Am I hopeless? Is it the murder victim #70 shirt I wear? I keep it updated every week, to make sure I’m on top of everything. Besides, they leave the torso intact so it would make everything so much easier. 

Cease and desist, humor editors!

Please, I beg of you, please stop sending me emails. I’ll do anything! I’ll take an 8 a.m. class with mandatory attendance! I’ll fill out Dr. Chatbot every day! I’ll fix my sleep schedule! Anything! Truly!

November’s champion: Spooks, sleighs, or squawks?

There is one question which haunts, jingles, and squawks in the distance — which holiday is November really about?

GAC rivals Meliora monkey lab for worst vibes on campus

I leave sweating, not from pumping some iron, but in fear of Chad, Brad, and Thad, who might just be running a gym cult.

Wellness Wednesday advice: If going to be sad? Don’t!

Recently, one of our dedicated researchers came across a stash of emails, buried deep within the University’s drafts. Clearly, someone had been trying to dispose of the evidence. 

Darwin: wise or wack?

I come to you today, dear readers, with what I unabashedly believe to be the biggest scientific revelation in the history of our species. 

8 ways to make friends during a pandemic (#4 will SHOCK you!)

In these unprecedented, never-before-seen, new, foreign, unexplored times of quarantine, it’s more important than ever to remember that humans are social creatures. 

Dr. Chatbot sued, loses medical license

In early February, Dr. Chatbot was arrested and indicted on over 10,000 counts of malpractice. Due to the doctor’s uncanny ability to change their appearance seemingly at will, and therefore their ability to slip past monitoring systems, they were deemed a flight risk and detained in cells across the web. 

CT Eats: Douggie

I found some real delicacies there, and I’m honestly impressed... that I’ve been eating the same three things without ending up comatose.