If you’re on the executive board of one of our 280+ student clubs and organizations, you’ve probably either intentionally or unintentionally overshared to your poor club advisor at an ungodly hour, holding them hostage, preventing them from leaving their office. Effectively keeping them away from their families, their friends, their pets, a brand-new episode of that terrible reality show they’re currently watching, and the feeling of dread and despair due to the likelihood that they’re just a cog in the machine that they feel while lying in bed at night. No? Well, maybe don’t start now.

Your student organization might have scraped by and passed your Student Organization Annual Review (SOAR) this year, but you know deep down that if your advisor could rate how your eboard functions and how your meetings with them go, you would be, as the youths say, cooked. 

That’s why I’m writing to tell you about Mailboxd, the new app I’m proposing that would allow the underpaid and equally under-appreciated club advisors on campus to rate your student meetings! For example, here’s how some of mine would look, using five of the 56 student organizations I currently advise:

Makers

• Attendance: Entire six-person eboard, scheduled on my calendar a whole month in advance.
• Star Rating: 5/5 stars.
• Review: Kamy brought me green tea, and I was able to feel like a contributing member of society by charitably giving Tziporah five pairs of mismatched socks I didn’t know what to do with because she needed them for a project she’s working on (don’t ask). I’m always reminded of why I love my job when I meet with these kids.

*Redacted Club Name*

• Attendance: Zero eboard members; they put the meeting on my calendar, though? The nerve.
• Star Rating: 0.5/5 stars.
• Review: Stood me up. Had me pacing outside my office to see if they were coming like a dateless loser. Felt like a dateless loser. Was a dateless loser.

Alzheimer’s Awareness Association

• Attendance: Two eboard members, the club’s President and Events Chair.
• Star Rating: 4.5/5 stars.
• Review: LOVE meeting with these girls, great energy always even though we constantly get off-topic; added 0.5 star because Marianna told me I was pretty, and that honestly made my whole day.

Clash Royale Club

• Attendance: One eboard member (they only have the one so far).
• Star Rating: 4/5 stars.
• Review: Brand-new club with an impressive president who’s got it all together. What a great kid! Asked smart questions that showed he did his own research beforehand. Only giving four stars because I didn’t like how unc I felt while talking about what Clash Royale is. Shoutout Zach tho.

LIGHT (Leading Initiatives for Greater Health Transparency)

• Attendance: One eboard member, impromptu walk-in.
• Star Rating: 3.5/5 stars.
• Review: Valeria walked in on me crying in my office. Incredibly embarrassing, but also, maybe the best hug of my life? New professional low for me, personally. Might need to start looking for a new job after that one.

For the low, low price of $499.99, you could be an investor in this brand-new app that would revolutionize naming and shaming student clubs and organizations that stand their club advisors up, spend 45 minutes of their hour-long meeting telling their advisor about the frat guy they’re talking to who is — without a semblance of a doubt — a walking, talking red flag, or show up in their advisor’s doorway looking like a kicked puppy, expecting them to pull a miracle out of their butt in order to save their event, when the problem could have very easily been prevented by simply listening to their advisor’s advice (imagine that!). Make a club advisor’s job just a little more fun; invest in Mailboxd today!

Cat Crawford is Student Activities’ Assistant Director of Student Activities and star advisor extraordinaire by day, and film enthusiast and habitual chess blunderer by night. When she is not working in her office in Genesee 311 during regular work hours, she can be found working late in her office in Genesee 311, and on occasion, in the Campus Times office, where she can be found distracting the writers.