1. A cop chased victims who shot him with a paintball.
Nobody in the chase got away cleanly.
2. A home intruder was caught by cops lurking around Farmer Brown’s cornfield.
He is being labeled as the “Corn Stalker”.
3. Apes at a Louisiana Zoo sang loudly enough to serenade all of its visitors.
“Swingin’ with the Apes” will be their first released single.
4. A dead lion was found in a freezer of a restaurant during an inspection.
Simba? Sim-burrrr.
5. A man dressed as Elmo was arrested for panhandling.
“On my way to where the air is sweet. Can you tell me how to get, how to get to the Nightmare on Elmo Street?”
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.
