With the rising risks of foodborne illness, the public continues to grow more anxious about their own dinners. Since last month, there has been a reported 67% rise in the number of clogged toilets and exploded stalls, with the number only growing higher. To minimize risks, many worried citizens have reported taking a sample from their meals every time and checking it under a microscope for any microbes. One such citizen reported that if they saw anything moving, they would proceed to blast their food with UV radiation for 20 minutes on 203ºC heat before quarantining it for two weeks. Many people have said that it’s all become normal practice prior to each meal, calling it the CCP (Common Caution Practice, not to be confused with the Chinese Communist Party).
Still, with growing concerns over food poisoning, some have even opted out of eating entirely. A group of people sitting outside the Campus Times office have said that they “haven’t eaten for two months.” Additionally, since the start of using the CCP on food from the Pit, there has been a discovery of 15 new strains of microbes.
To address the concerns, RFK Jr. put out a statement to reassure the public that foodborne illnesses are there to add flavor to the food and make it an unforgettable experience. His statement goes on further to say that these “flavors build a person’s character” and that he “enjoys the new experience.” There are ongoing efforts to try and see if RFK Jr. would like to elaborate, but he seems to be preoccupied with something, as he hasn’t left the bathroom in a couple hours.
