For several nights this past week, residents on the third floor of Susan B. Anthony Hall have reported “strange, unearthly noises” rattling throughout the building — a combination of unexplained groaning, rhythmic thumping, rattling furniture, and the occasional shriek that sounded like, “Bloody Mary herself,” according to one witness.
“It sounded like somebody fighting for their life,” sophomore RA Sam Johnson noted. “I’ve watched all 15 seasons of Supernatural, and it was unlike anything I’ve ever heard — I thought somebody was dying.”
Rumors quickly spread throughout the building. Some claimed that it was the victims of the second BIOL110 midterm, resurrected from academic probation to drag their TAs back into the underworld. Others believed that it was the ghost of Susan B. Anthony herself, tired of the shaved pubes left uncleaned in the bathrooms.
“Dude, I swear to god, it sounded like a portal to hell had opened,” Mike Schwartz, a first-year biology major, said. “At first I thought somebody was crying for help, then I realized it wasn’t crying — and it didn’t sound like it was help they wanted.”
Floor RAs were quick to investigate after multiple reports by concerned residents. “Dude I was all kitted out — EMF reader, holy water, the works,” one RA, who requested anonymity for fear of retaliation, said. “I even borrowed a copy of the Bible from the library. Hardcover.”
Despite extensive preparations, the only “paranormal” activity they found was a half empty bottle of wine, a couple ruffled sheets, and two nervous students insisting that they were just “rearranging furniture.”
Residential Life has issued a statement on the matter and has since clarified that Sue B. remains unhaunted and recommends that residents “preferably keep it down” when “moving furniture” at 11 p.m. on weekends.
“Of course Susan B. Anthony Hall isn’t haunted,” a housing spokesperson added. “If it was, we’d have to lower costs, and that would be unacceptable.”
