Do you crave hookups without hangouts? Do you want to come without commitment? Do you want desire without all the drama? If you answered yes to any of those questions, I have a solution to all your problems. Let me introduce you to casual sex!
Casual sex (often dubbed “hookup culture”) is simply the thrill of having sexual partners without the pressure of a relationship. This way, you can worry about your next orgasm, and not your next argument. Some people love casual sex; some hate it. It’s your own body and there’s no judgment here! However, if you do choose to partake in casual sex, let me introduce you to four important rules!
1. Physical and mental preparation.
Make sure you are both physically and mentally prepared. This seems simple, but it’s usually the hardest to grasp. Many people try to have casual sex without acknowledging if they are truly ready and end up heartbroken, confused, and feeling like a slut. You should never feel that way.
My biggest recommendation is to participate in non-casual sex with a committed partner before you dive into uncommitted sex. This allows for both partners to know their expectations and preferences during intercourse. This could be with a partner, a situationship, or a friend with benefits. Now, let’s say you’ve already had sex but you’re still unsure about continuing regularly (and with no romantic strings attached!). As a rule of thumb, if you’re questioning your decision to have casual sex, it’s a good idea to take a step back, because more than likely, you aren’t ready yet. There’s no shame in not being ready! When it comes to your inner peace, always use protection.Your conscience should always be your number one priority — casual sex should not be something that makes you feel guilty.
So, you’ve had sex before, you’re positive you are ready for casual sex, and the sexy person from your chemistry lab is coming over in 20 minutes — now you’re ready for rule two!
2. Set boundaries
Before clothes are ripped off, tell your partner what you want out of this exchange. Are you looking to do romantic things outside of the sex? Do you want to have a friendly relationship but occasionally screw each other? Do you want them to act like they don’t know you in chemistry lab tomorrow? Clear communication from everyone involved is incredibly important to identify needs and wants, along with possible places the relationship could (or couldn’t) go in the future.
The biggest recurring problem I see in these types of relationships is an unexpected change in boundaries. You can tell the other person that you are absolutely not looking for a relationship, but your feelings may change after sleeping together for three nights in a row. Communication is key. If you believe that you do want a relationship now, or if you’re falling for them and want to cut things clean off, tell them! However, just because you want something doesn’t mean the other person wants it too — ensure that you are respecting your partner’s boundaries the same way you would want them to respect yours.
Still, don’t push your feelings aside just because you worry it’ll wound the other person — remember, your inner peace is the number one priority.
3. Stay safe
Make sure to always use protection (remember, birth control protects against new humans, not herpes), keep up with your hygiene, and be honest with your partner if you’ve had any issues with sex in the past. This could include the things you are into and the things you’d absolutely never try. It could also be a conversation about STDs, STIs, trauma, and more. These conversations, though uncomfortable, need to be held, especially if you or your partner are seeing other people sexually.
4. Do not let sex rule your life
Casual sex is meant to be fun, mostly carefree, and completely enjoyable for those engaging in it. You should not find yourself yearning for a text back, feeling nervous about the next hook-up, or leaving feeling more drained than satisfied. At the end of the day, this is a college campus, and there are plenty of people on campus who are open to having casual sex. If your partner isn’t doing it for you, go out and find a new one! Carry no shame in your game — human beings have needs.
The basics of casual sex include the following: prepare yourself, know and set your boundaries, be safe, and have fun. If you keep these in mind, casual sex can be exciting, liberating, and drama-free. And most importantly, there’s zero judgment in choosing what works for you. Finally, remember that you are in no way obligated to have casual sex — it’s totally okay to not want it for you.
