Student Profile: Michael Kaplan (’17)

Michael was born in a log cabin that he built by himself.
At the age of two, he successfully completed Oregon Trail without ever having to ford the river.
At three, he defeated the Elite Four in Pokemon with a single Magikarp, which didn’t have any attacking moves.
At four, Michael got himself lost in the woods. When he encountered a full-grown bear, the bear played dead.
At five, Michael was a 15-day Jeopardy champion without ever replying with an answer that contained a vowel in it.
By six, Michael had already celebrated two sweet sixteens.
During his seventh year of life, he watched an entire episode of “The O’Reilly Factor.”
At eight, he kissed a frog and it turned into a princess.
On his ninth birthday, Michael put all of his eggs in one basket, and everything worked out okay.
For his tenth birthday, he sky-dived out of an airplane, passed out immediately after jumping out of the plane, and lived.
At eleven, Michael went through the E-ZPass, without having an E-ZPass account.
When he turned twelve, he ate the yellow snow.
On his thirteenth birthday, he got lucky and won the lottery.
Immediately after blowing the candles out on his fourteenth birthday, Michael’s wish for being less awesome did not come true.
On his fifteenth birthday, he was given a handout at the airport, and he actually read it.
After having his sixteenth birthday party in a forest, Michael successfully took a high-definition photo of Bigfoot. Bigfoot almost got a glimpse of him.
At seventeen, Michael declined admittance into Harvard.
Finally, at the age of 18, he attended the University of Rochester.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.