Humor
Humor
Seligman releases ‘The Joel Seligman LP’ to critical acclaim
On Tuesday, UR President Joel Seligman released his new album, “The Joel Seligman LP,” under the moniker Joel. The first song to leak was titled J.O.L.O. (Joel Only Lives Once.) The album chronicles Seligman’s rise and fall from grace. Controversial UR Economics professor Steven Landsburg is co-producing the LP with Dr. Dre. When pressed for […]
Humor
Campus Times party shut down
This Saturday, Nov. 2, the Campus Times orchestrated an Halloween rager in Wilson Commons after hours. “It was really just a great opportunity to let loose after the stress of midterms,” Features Editor Doug Brady, who was dressed as the gingerbread man for the festivities, said. Brady was entrusted with gathering $17.50 from every attendee […]
Humor
50 Shades of Joel
On Friday, Nov. 1, University President Joel Seligman debuted his collection erotic poetry at Starbucks Friday Night Live open-mic event. The title of his collection, 50 Shades of Joel, is a reference to the 50 separate romantic personalities that corresponds with each one of his poems. Even though Starbucks changed their open-mic policy to allow […]
Humor
Rettner playground lets us relive our childhoods
Forget the Confederate flag debate, smoking up next to Susan B.’s grave, or hiding alcohol from your RA — it’s time to play. With the UR’s newest playground, hard-partying students are bound to change their ways in exchange for old-fashioned, childhood fun. How often do you stare out of your dorm room window when it’s […]
Humor
Why I don’t lift, brah
The Robert B. Goergen Athletic Center is an important part of plenty of students’ college life. But when I think of the gym, I roll over and go back to sleep. There is no need for lifting in my life. For one, my laptop is already several pounds heavy, and I have to carry that […]
Humor
Freshman fight club sweeps UR
A disgruntled freshman has leaked the existence of an underground fight club at UR, University administrators said Wednesday. The fight club reportedly began hours after the release of Chemistry 131 midterm grades last week. Teary-eyed freshman men, devastated that their medical school dreams had been shattered, congregated outside Spurrier Hall. Amid the crowd, a voice […]
Humor
Bullocks lacks buttocks in ‘Gravity’
Sci-fi thriller “Gravity” has received unanimously positive reviews, yet I was surprised that some of the film’s scientific inaccuracies were not addressed. These are the most glaring. When Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) return to the damaged space shuttle, they find an astronaut with a cracked helmet and a hole in […]
Humor
‘GTA VI’ to be based on Rochester, says Rockstar
Rockstar Games released “Grand Theft Auto V” on Sept. 17, selling over one billion copies in two days, making it the fastest selling entertainment product in history. Building on its success, Rockstar has already announced that the series’ next installment will be based on Rochester, N.Y. Each “GTA” title is set in a fictional American […]
Humor
Rocky resigns after public indecency, stinging spree
Late Sunday, Oct. 13, peace officers arrested Rocky the mascot for public indecency. According to the police report, Rocky was “drunk beyond recognition” and had to be pepper gelled by Director of Public Safety Walter Mauldin himself after attempting “inappropriate conduct under the clock tower.” University President Joel Seligman reportedly tried to use the 3D […]
Humor
UR offers new ‘Breaking Bad’ course
One of the most controversial courses offered at UR this semester is “Symbolic Analysis of ‘Breaking Bad,’” taught by the English department. Enrolled students thought they would be analyzing themes and objects that actually had to do with the plot, but on the first day of class, they instead talked about why the ketchup and […]
