On Tuesday, UR President Joel Seligman released his new album, “The Joel Seligman LP,” under the moniker Joel.
The first song to leak was titled J.O.L.O. (Joel Only Lives Once.) The album chronicles Seligman’s rise and fall from grace.
Controversial UR Economics professor Steven Landsburg is co-producing the LP with Dr. Dre.
When pressed for comment, Landsburg stated, “This is one of my thought experiments. What if rap was reborn? What if Joel is the One we’re looking for?”
Specifically, the concept album begins with the blossoming of Seligman’s life as an adult, ending, ultimately, with Seligman’s demise, culminating in the end of his first term as UR’s President.
Seligman comes from mysterious origins. He has never acknowledged his pre-UCLA (where he completed his undergrad) life publicly, leading many to speculate that his pre-Westwoodian drama was one of suspicious cicumstances, possibly crime or drug related.
President Seligman was not available for comment.
Seligman’s rise at UCLA and subsequent development of his expertise in securities law are major themes that are explored throughout the album. The chorus of the first song, “You don’t want to fuck with Joel (‘Cause why?) / ‘Cause Joel will fucking kill you,” is infectious.
Seligman’s style of flow is aggressive and abrasive, to say the least. However, he raps about relevant issues to the community and himself. On the surface, the second track, “Rocky”, is a letter to Joel from the perspective of an obsessed fan, Rocky.
However, it translated surprisingly well to a postmodern critique on the bane of campus – the post office, among other things. “I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not’ve got ‘em / There probably was a problem at the post office or something.”
He goes on to rap about the girls who cheated on him while getting his J.D. at Harvard in his song “law game”, with an excerpt being “I’m a sucker for law, you’re a sucker for dick.” Joel’s bragadaccio style continues by bringing up his current involvement with the Eastman Kodak Company. “Hoes go down on me like Kodak stock,” Joel spits. In the last five years, Eastman Kodak stock has decreased 99.67%.
Samples and interludes on the album are just as infectious. One of the most addicting beats on the album is the repeated phrase, “fairy tale” (how Joel described his life as in his 2005 inauguration address), looped over and over. Joel then spits an incredible verse reflecting on his life. “I’m so sick and tired of being admired / That I wish that I would just die or get fired.”
Another beat on the album is incredibly memorable. The skit “Public Safety Announcement 2013” features Seligman’s Chief of Security, Walter Mauldin, accidentally pepper spraying Joel.
The University’s motto makes an appearance in the LP too, the excerpt being, “Meliora, ever better, makes your girl’s pussy ever wetter.” Seligman responds to all the student hate about UR dining by spittin’, “Seligman ain’t saving shit, Aramark, you can jump on Danforth’s dick.” Representatives of Danforth Dining Center and Aramark were not available for comment.
Early critical reviews of the album have been overwhelmingly positive. Metacritic, a review aggregator site, has showed that the album has received an average review of 92/100, indicating universal acclaim and prompting many music outlets such as Pitchfork to speculate as to its chances of earning the coveted title of Album of the Year.
On Sunday, November 10th, Seligman will be performing excerpts from his LP at the Fall Athletic Reception, located at his house. The last time someone rapped at the reception was in 2010, when women’s tennis player Frances preformed Eminem’s single, “Not Afraid.” The audience was not amused.
Seligman believes he will show that he is more than just the president by the performance. The last statement given by Joel prior to the performance was, “Why be a president when you can be a god?”
