Humor
Madeline Blackburn
UR is where the heart is
Following several emails from her mother demanding that she explain her life choices paired with numerous stern emails from Hingham Savings reminding her of her negative bank balance, freshman Madeline Blackburn is refusing to let the stress of the real world dim her holiday spirits. “I can’t wait to get home and see my family. […]
Bob Dylan
A Christmas album that won’t warm your heart
It’s that time of year again, when holiday music begins to play-thank you Star 102.5, a reference that Western New Yorkers will understand—and college students everywhere start counting down to a much needed break…from having a delightful time sitting in lectures and preparing for finals, right? Anyhow, after hearing a massive amount of holiday music […]
Chiodo
There’s snow way it’s already here
I never understand why everyone is so happy for snow. For the seasoned veterans who have dealt with Rochester’s winters before, we know that when the first major snowfall rolls around, winter is here to stay. After conducting some research, I was able to come up with a useful formula for predicting how long Rochester’s […]
Red-Nosed
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Here’s a little holiday tale to clear some things up a little bit. You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you really know Rudolph? My name is Dasher and I’m one of Santa’s reindeer. Life is great as a reindeer. We get to work […]
Chris Horgan
Thanksgiving from the perspective of a turkey
Alright, I get it. It’s that time of year again and it looks as if it is all going to end for me. Last year, my fellow turkeys and I bought deer costumes to wear in order to disguise ourselves during hunting season. It didn’t end well. I would like to make some suggestions to […]
Chris Horgan
Poking fun at the news
1. A woman in Wichita left her bedroom late at night to find a burglar eating cookie dough from her freezer. She described him as a blue-ish creature that wouldn’t stop saying, “me want cookie.” She said there was also a grouch in the garbage who got away, but fortunately the cat killed the bird. […]
Erik Chiodo
The cold is here to stay, but so am I
As the winter draws nearer, I find it increasing harder to get out of bed in the morning. If you are new to Rochester and are curious about how bad the weather can get, take it from me when I tell you that it gets pretty damn cold. So cold that by the time I […]
Erik Chiodo
A letter to UR students
Dear Fellow Yellow Jackets, I would like to take the time to formally apologize in advance for any humor that I attempt. As a person who was raised in a conservative environment, I don’t have much exposure to humor, so I find it a tad ironic that I’m contributing to this section. I would also […]
Chris Horgan
I don’t think anyone wants to do homework on Sunday
Trying to get work done on a Sunday is as pointless as having the Doctor regenerate into a baby. The TARDIS would require a total makeover, and every character would have to attach themselves to booster seats before traveling through time. But who knows, maybe by the end of the baby’s tenure as the Doctor, […]
Humor
UR to build canals across campus in place of sidewalks
University administrators unveiled an ambitious new project on Monday, when they announced plans for all campus sidewalks to be torn up and replaced with Venice, Italy-style canals. Maintenance costs for the current sidewalks have become far too high, UR Facilities said in a press release. The press release went on to say that repairing potholes, […]
