Archives - Chris Horgan
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. The Utah House of Representatives has voted to restore the use of execution by firing squad. Although this leaves convicted criminals on the wrong end of things, it most importantly gives aspiring executioners a shot. 2. An Ohio man pleaded guilty to selling fake urine for drug tests. That’s what you get when your […]
Humor
If nature could interact with humans
Certainly, if trees could talk, you would never be able to win an argument against them because they would only stand their ground. All around the world, the sky would look down upon us but would have enough compassion to give us some occasional snow days. Rain would rub in our face that it gets […]
Humor
Valentine’s Day signs: How to tell if your crush likes you
1. First off, to save some time, go right up to your crush and ask, “Hey, do you like me?” If they reply “no,” well, then your crush doesn’t like you. I was considering ending this article at that, but something tells me people want less bold advice. 2. One good sign to tell if […]
Humor
Dear Chris: Help!
Dear Chris: There’s a really pretty girl, but she’s a freshman, and I’m a second semester senior. -Thanks, Romantic Chris: I think what you need is a little more time. Try walking underneath the clock tower. I’m sure if you come off as a nice guy she’ll give you a chance. Go ahead and ask […]
Humor
A few UR advertisement ideas
Marketing is important, and I see a couple of opportunities for the University to create some entertaining advertisements. In one such advertisement, a bunch of the school’s important figures are in a meeting, but the meeting is delayed because the school’s mascot is missing from the table. The commercial then turns to Rocky the Yellowjacket […]
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A 94-year-old male driver blasted through a car wash at 40 miles an hour. Police find these occurrences difficult to investigate because most offenders get away cleanly. 2. A Michigan man jumped in an ice fishing hole to retrieve his cell phone. He was surpsised to find that his stupid screen had frozen. 3. […]
Humor
A rewarding haiku
There is a treasure. I could tell you where it is, but haikus are short. Horgan is a member of the class of 2017.
Horgan
Poking fun at the news
1. A new study finds that a burger for lunch reduces 30 minutes a day off your life. Confirming that fast food puts the “eat” in death. 2. Researchers have discovered a drug that could assist mice immune systems in finding and destroying HIV infected cells. Will they find it? I’d say so, it’s in […]
Bob Dylan
A Christmas album that won’t warm your heart
It’s that time of year again, when holiday music begins to play-thank you Star 102.5, a reference that Western New Yorkers will understand—and college students everywhere start counting down to a much needed break…from having a delightful time sitting in lectures and preparing for finals, right? Anyhow, after hearing a massive amount of holiday music […]
Red-Nosed
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Here’s a little holiday tale to clear some things up a little bit. You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you really know Rudolph? My name is Dasher and I’m one of Santa’s reindeer. Life is great as a reindeer. We get to work […]
