Certainly, if trees could talk, you would never be able to win an argument against them because they would only stand their ground. All around the world, the sky would look down upon us but would have enough compassion to give us some occasional snow days. Rain would rub in our face that it gets to sky dive every day. Lakes would probably be that friend who always wants people to go for a swim.
Yellow snow would do its best to make us think of something other than a white Christmas. Yetis would tell their children stories of strange mythological creatures who worked in building and spent their free time staring at boxes displaying other mythological creatures working in buildings. Oranges, if juiced, would be hard to keep a conversation with, depending on whether they’re concentrated or not. Ultimately, orange juice would clarify that O.J. Simpson gave them a bad name.
Rainbows would wonder why they make everyone smile despite always being in the shape of a frown. Blue whales would facetiously thank whoever came up with their creative name. Icebergs would have a few complaints, and they’d know just how to break the ice. Grass would be horrified of humans; or, more specifically, humans’ lawnmowers. Lily pads could be good friends, on the surface at least.
Octopi would be no fun at a parties because they’d win every game of Twister. Volcanoes would have tense friendships because at any moment they could blow. Elephants would be able to pick out good cars because they know a lot about trunk space. Sloths would take forever to text back.
Years and years will go by before humans devise a way to faultlessly communicate with animals.
On the bright side, though, some scientists have created a computer program that can almost translate what a dog is thinking. Until scientists perfect this, however, we can only speculate what animals’ or nature’s first words to humans would be.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.
