Archives - CT Staff

The Student Activities Office planned another program for students last weekend.The event was attended by some people. Some probably had a good time, but it is assumed that some did not have a good time.While it should be applauded that they planned an event for students, there were several things wrong with it.First, the program […]

By Fro FinCampus HoboScandal erupted yesterday when the All-Campus Judiciary Council subpoenaed former UR athlete Ralph Palmero McWeed to appear at an emergency hearing. McWeed, a former first baseman for the Yellowjackets baseball team from 1999-2003, is being called to appear in front of the council this Wednesday. The council called this emergency session amid […]

By Dick TipA dangerous new sport has evolved right here at UR. This sport captures the best of what the greatest sports demand of you - imagination, wit, speed, stamina and pure will. And while it has yet to catch on in the mainstream, it is sure to become a favorite pastime very soon. So […]

By chanandler bongBrad Pitt's MistressWe all know that URBee, UR's faithful school mascot, has been a dynamic presence on the campus for many years. He is a leader of camaraderie at tons of sport events, an active athlete, a comedian and a friend to many. But does anyone know who the real URBee is? Yes, […]

Alleged Liberal SympathizerYou see it in the movies, like in "Independence Day," where Jeff Goldblum's character David Levinson suddenly saw the way to defeat the invading aliens. That one moment of epiphany with a transcendence that changes a life forever. After ruminating for quite a while, it came to me that I am a Deaniac. […]

Jim MackFeminist-in-TrainingTo render women truly useful members of society, I argue that they should be led, by having their understandings cultivated on a large scale, to acquire a rational affection for their country, founded on knowledge, because it is obvious that we are little interested about what we do not understand. That women at present […]

Nabozny arrested for embezzlingSA President "Pistol" Pete Nabozny was arrested on Tuesday for embezzling funds from the Students' Association Supplemental Fund.UR Security caught on to Nabozny's scheming after investigating sketchy classifieds placed in the Campus Crime Connection. "A female undergraduate stopped by the Ruth Merrill Center to try on a missing brassiere and noticed large […]

By Ima FunnyBetter Than You A Rochester parent arrested on bank robbery charges on April 1 at 12 p.m. claimed that UR is at fault for the robbery because of the high tuition increase this year."Tuition keeps sky-rocketing. At this rate and I bet soon college students will have to go to prison for spring […]

By seligman's angelsTranvestites Part I Out-going President Thomas "I've got your money" Jackson officially handed over to President-Elect Joel Seligman the key to UR's weather machine Friday morning."As [my reign comes] to an end, I [needed to] tie [up loose] ends," Jackson said, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Last week, I [cashed out my Cayman […]

By Charles MansonDead Man WalkingSeveral UR employees were arrested on Monday on drug trafficking charges in connection with the Cogeneration project.The Cogeneration project is responsible for tearing up the campus during the past year and making a big mess. It is also responsible for transporting 300 kilograms of crack cocaine to Canada through newly constructed […]