1. First off, to save some time, go right up to your crush and ask, “Hey, do you like me?” If they reply “no,” well, then your crush doesn’t like you. I was considering ending this article at that, but something tells me people want less bold advice.
2. One good sign to tell if someone is interested in you is if they look at you, even unintentionally. In response to this, I’m going to share with you some great advice from the 10th Doctor: “Don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t blink. Good luck.”
3. Don’t bother asking friends if they know whether they like you or not. Again, just go right to the source. It is common for a person to become a little nervous while interacting with their crush, but fortunately, social media has allowed for people to socialize more comfortably. Open up your laptop, bring up your browser and request their relationship status via Facebook. Not everybody’s relationship status is available in the public domain.
4. Focus on body language. Check to see if your crush waves to you every once in a while. Either they are recognizing your existence and they want you to know it, or they want you to pledge something. If they go as far as kissing you, then this probably isn’t the best indicator either. After all, people kiss the Blarney Stone every day and no one’s put a ring on it.
5. Valentine’s Day is a little too predictable to confess your love for someone. Contrary to popular belief, the best time to ask someone out is in April, particularly on the 1st. Go up to someone and tell them that you like them and that you would like to hang out sometime. If they decline, you can always respond quickly with, “Haha, April Fools!”
6. If they tell you that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure you let them know that you’re okay with polygamy. Explain how having multiple alternatives is just thinking preemptively. Sometimes, people’s boyfriends or girlfriends get pushed off a mountain top. Tell your crush, “I thought your relationship was heading over a cliff, so I pushed (insert name here) right off it for you.” When one person in a relationship falls off a cliff, this significantly reduces their chances of staying together.
7. It is important not to overanalyze your potential lover’s actions or movements. Here’s a perfect situational example: You are crossing the street, but you stop in the middle of it to pick up a penny. You look up and your crush is jumping up and down, doing their best to grab your attention. You are a good lip reader, and you can tell that they are saying specifically; “Watch out for that car!” Car in this case symbolizes love. They mean watch out for love. Love can hit you really hard and can even put you into a coma. Love doesn’t yield for pedestrians.
8. Lastly, it is never wrong to just try again. Tell them you think they are fantastic. The worst they can do is say, “I think you aren’t my type.” And, who knows, maybe your crush is a pathological liar. From this perspective, you should have a little compassion for them. Imagine being a pathological liar when someone you really aren’t into asks you out.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.
