By: UR helpful friends Pete and Forest Moss

 

The status of UR’s Protest Policy is constantly in flux, and WCSA has introduced some new regulations, so here’s a rundown to help you keep track of it all:

  • The secretary of any protesting organization must contact a venerated WCSA representative exactly 83 hours prior to their e-board meeting to plan the event. Contact made a second too soon or late will result in the group’s dissolution.  
  • Events hosted on UR property are only allowed to play music through RockBot, which is soon to announce more restrictions. It’s a licensing thing.
  • No more than 10 students may attend a gathering on University grounds. If over 10 students are present, then students over six feet are no longer permitted to stand.
  • If any attendee flirts or stares suggestively at any non-attendee, the attendee may be fined.
  • Each student that attends a protest on University grounds must display a special talent in order to be approved. Singing does not count. Dances aside from the worm might be considered.
  • No balls may be thrown at any WCSA representatives’ heads.
  • Any posters displayed must be in a font to be decided on by an aforementioned venerated WilCo representative no later than five minutes before the protest is scheduled to begin.
  • Department of Public Safety (DPS) officers may not request students’ IDs. Unless they want to.
  • Glitter is required to be on at least 75% of faces at the protest.
  • It is illegal to sell cat or dog hair at any gathering on UR property, and the punishment will be doubled if the hair is sold in association with a protest.

DPS reserves the right to open fire at any violators of the above. Or of secret rules that they make up on the spot.

We hope that this helps you get all of your protests approved by our merciless overlords. Happy protesting!

 

The Mosses miss their mother, Miss Misery



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