UR has recently announced amazing news: They’ve been approved for a tuition increase! All students recently received an email regarding the exciting news, so they could rejoice alongside the administration!

“We’ve been approved for a 6.5% tuition increase,” President Sarah Mangelsdorf announced at a press conference on Friday. “In addition to that, room and board will increase by 3.5%.”

When asked what the students thought about the increase, many agreed that it was fantastic news. 

“We just weren’t paying enough,” one student said.

“Should’ve been 10% ” another student said. 

In addition to the news, Sarah Mangelsdorf announced what the extra money would be going towards. She stated, “Since our housing and dining options are already top-notch, we feel that the best thing to do is put money towards our sports fields.”

When asked what aspect about the fields would be renovated, Mangelsdorf replied, “We’ve been looking to replace the grass on the fields. There’s nothing better than fresh grass!”

She declined to comment on where the sports teams would practice while the renovations took place.The University announced that a celebration would take place in Rush Rhees. Tickets for the event will be on sale next Thursday for the shockingly-great price of $50. Food will be catered by Danforth, but it is not included in the price. 

“They haven’t taken enough of my money,” one student said.

“If I’m lucky, I’ll be paying $100k in tuition by the time I graduate!” said another student.

While most students were thrilled at the news, others weren’t too happy about it.

“I feel guilty knowing that I get the honor to pay more for my education when others who already graduated didn’t get the chance,” one student said.

“They’re only increasing tuition and room and board?” another student said. “That’s ridiculous. They should increase the price of everything.”

Mangelsdorf responded to those students telling them not to worry. “We’re hoping that we’ll eventually get approved for a greater increase,” she said. “As for the students who already graduated, we will gladly take alumni donations.” 

The University has not announced when the changes to tuition and room and board will take place. But students wait in anticipation to see their bill increase. Truly an exciting time to be a UR student! 

Tagged: humor Satire Tuition

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