As you may be aware, about two weeks ago the flag lounge was removed without any warning. Or at least the flags were. Given that everyone kept saying the whole lounge was removed, it was sort of a relief to hear that the one non-library architectural feature on campus is still standing, and they did not actually demolish an entire wall of Wilson Commons.

Due to COVID-19, the flagless lounge has been renamed the “food zone” as the only place Wilson Commons where you can eat or drink besides the Pit. I think “food zone” has a real ring to it. Honestly just calling something a “zone” gives it an edge, some zest that I’m drawn to. It feels that something is missing. The food zone is a little bland besides the pile of furniture in the corner.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go onto www.simpforbezos.com, buy myself as many different countries’ flags as I can get for under $20, and subsequently hide those flags all throughout the food zone to return it to its former name. Now I know you have many questions, so I whipped up a quick F.A.Q.

What will the flags look like? Think of the type of flags a man might put on his desk to knock over while trying to find a pen in the same cup.

Where will I hide them? Obviously this is top secret information.

Will there be a secret Willy Wonka flag hidden with them? Of course. This is a stupid question.

Is there a prize if I find one of your flags, Megan? Undecided, you’ll probably just get the flag, I guess.

Why am I doing this? Honestly, despite pursuing both English and business (separately, and never shall the two meet), I’m thinking I would like to be an interior designer. This is a stunt to pad my LinkedIn page with important-looking projects.I’m thinking flag-based interior design may come with some political pitfalls. Drama house seems to have it down though; their condom flag is very sex-ed chic. I’m a big fan. Maybe I can ask them for some advice.

The last question is one I might spend my life trying to figure out.

What did the administration do with the flags they took down? There were 163 flags hanging in the lounge, each one three by five feet. That’s a large amount of flags for the administration to just “hide.” Are they in WilCo? In Rush Rhees? Filling the abandoned Spurrier swimming pool? Will someone stumble upon them decades from now, confused and unaware of their original purpose? Unacceptable.

So while I continue to be the guardian of my flags, I will also be on a quest to find the original flags, which are presumably being made into a parachute for an elementary school gym class, and restore them to their former glory.



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