“I love you,” Susan B. Anthony said, staring into George Eastman’s eyes as he stood on the platform, ready to be lowered into the carbonite freezing chamber.

“I know,” Eastman replied, as a slight suggestion of a smile appeared on his lips. The floor began to sink beneath him. This might be his last mistake, Eastman thought—twenty years of smuggling optics equipment through the Imperial blockade had finally caught up with him. He should have known better than to come back here, what with that scoundrel, Lando Calrochesterian, running the city.

“Rrrrrrr-aaauurgghhh!” roared Chewbacca, as Eastman sank into the floor. Eastman clutched his briefcase tighter against his side. Suddenly, he remembered the last thing he had been meaning to say.

“Wait, Susan! One more thing!” Eastman raised his hand in an attempt to grab her attention before he was frozen. Suddenly, there was a violent burst of steam, and the carbonite froze George into a burnished statue of himself. He rose back out of the floor, looking as though he had been carved out of stone. One hand was raised in a futile gesture, and there was a startled expression on his immutable face.

Two men in armor stepped in from an anteroom. One was short, in pitted and tarnished armor—the deadly bounty hunter Boba Fett. The other was a good deal taller, dressed in all black with a cape that swirled around him, making him seem to blend into the shadows at the edge of the room.

“Is he alive?” rasped Fett. “He’s no use to me dead.”

“He’s alive.” said the man in the black armor. “The carbonite should preserve him quite well. Now, prepare the chamber for Skywalker!”

Lando Calrochesterian stepped forward, looking nervous. “Lord Vader, how do you intend to pay for all this? Freezing people in carbonite isn’t cheap, you know.”

“Tuition will be raised accordingly.” Vader said, curtly. His voice was low and menacing, even distorted as it was by his mask.

“But you said—”

“I am raising the tuition.” Vader interrupted. “Pray I do not raise it any further.” With that, he strode from the room, his cape billowing behind him.

Passanisi is a member of
the class of 2017.



In a campus far, far away

In anticipation of 2026’s graduation ceremony, the Campus Times conducted an interview with upcoming Commencement speaker Jeannine Shao Collins ’86. Collins, who earned a bachelor's degree in economics from URochester, currently works as the Chief Client Officer at Kargo: a multiplatform advertising and media company. Read More

In a campus far, far away

URochester’s annual Senior Week always features a full lineup of celebrations for the graduates leading up to Commencement. The contemporary week-long fun is deeply embedded in the history of URochester culture, even though Senior Week and Commencement traditions have changed dramatically over time. Read More

In a campus far, far away

However, recent student protests are considerably less effective than they used to be. According to The American Prospect, there were far fewer young attendees to the most recent round of No Kings marches in proportion to the attendance of older generations. Read More