1. Bags of mountain air were offered to citizens in the smog-filled city of Zhengzhou, China.
Tourists beware, the air is to die for.
2. A new Viagara-esque pill is using President Obama’s image to sell the sex pill.
However, multiple complaints claim that after taking the pill for the second time, no “change” occurred.
3. A group of writers were fired for overexaggerating a story after finding one rare example and reporting it as if it was the norm.
Good news is, Fox News is hiring.
4. A leopard caused panic in an Indian hospital after it roamed inside the hospital for 12 hours.
Come on guys, he only wanted to have his spots looked at.
5. A woman reported to police that her marijuana had been stolen, and now she is being charged with cultivating it.
What a dope.
6. A man in Orlando had to be rescued from his home after unintentionally lighting his house on fire in order to burn the bugs in his home.
“Looks like agent 277 has done his job,” said an undercover fruit fly.
7. In an attempt to overcome his fear of spiders, a man tattooed a black widow spider on his face.
Unfortunately, there isn’t any lotion to treat bad arachne.
8. A man called for help after being trapped in an office with a swarm of bees for more than four hours.
“Oh no! Not the bees! Not the bees!”
9. A Girl Scout made huge sales after selling cookies outside of a marijuana clinic.
Looks like the cookies weren’t the only thing baked.
10. A man accidently ate a fishing line at a food buffet.
That’s one way to get your customers hooked.
11. A pastor in South Africa encouraged the congregation to eat grass to become closer to God.
“You can take our tongues, but you can’t take our grass,” said a holy cow.
12. A man in Argentina successfully married a tree.
There’s no guarantee that this woodwork, but I’m rooting for him.
13. An Indonesian spa now has a new technique in which they place pythons on the customer’s body.
Sadly, the price of the spa may cost you an arm and a leg.
14. A website is offering condoms for dogs.
This is a great idea, just in case you don’t want the pillow on the chair in your living room to become pregnant.
15. A stork was held on suspicion of spying in Egypt.
Outsiders now must ponder who exactly the bird-brained one is.
16. Scientists have successfully made rabbits capable of glowing in the dark.
The team of scientists included an undisclosed group of hawks.
17. Lastly, happy birthday to my mother.
Horgan is a member of the class of 2017
