Aries (March 21&-April 19) Transferring to Hogwarts just might be harder than you think.
Taurus (April 20&-May 20) An interesting and fun victory is in your immediate future.
Gemini (May 21&-June 21) This weekend you’ll make a comeback, not as huge as Britney, but close.
Cancer (June 22&-July 22) Before you grab those fries at the Pit, think about that six pack you don’t have.
Leo (July 23&-Aug. 22) Start a daily exercise routine to get fit; sex doesn’t count on Thursdays.
Virgo (Aug. 23&-Sept. 22) Gay clubbing solves all problems for everyone.
Libra (Sept. 23&-Oct. 22) Your skills from the ‘hood will definitely come in handy in the 19th ward.
Scorpio (Oct. 23&-Nov. 21) Take the rest of the boys and go get your ‘metro fix” at the spa or mall this weekend.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22&-Dec. 21) Remember you can always use the word ‘friendly” as a euphemism for ‘slutty”; it’s nicer.
Capricorn (Dec. 22&-Jan. 19) Don’t be afraid to shake it on the dance floor; you’ll never know who will notice you.
Aquarius (Jan. 20&-Feb. 18) Spend more time with your BFF this week… remember bros before hoes.
Pisces (Feb. 19&-March 20) Straight, but fun, just might be the sexual orientation for you.
(If you believe this you think you don’t need pepper spray on the way to Riverview.)
