Have you ever noticed in today’s society how it’s never socially acceptable to walk or do anything alone? It’s like you always have to wait for someone to do something.
I am a very busy guy and am sometimes unable to comply to this standard, but I still have a desire to maintain a cool image. Here are some tips for looking cool while alone.
If you are ever stuck waiting somewhere by yourself, the most obvious move is to go for the cell phone. You have two options here, you can either call your voicemail or a real person. Even if the real person does not pick up, you can always pretend to talk to them or just leave a nice lengthy voicemail.
However, if you’ve exhausted the cell phone option, a good method to fall back on is to fake chew gum. I mean, it’s still a little awkward, but at least you look terribly occupied with the gum and it’s healthier for you than starting up a cigarette habit.
Another venue you may commonly find yourself alone in is the gym – at least if you are motivated enough to make yourself go. The key here is to look really pissed off the entire time. If you look happy, people will just think you are weird. Try to look as though you sincerely don’t want to be there and are in the midst of a hangover. Walk with a limp and make it seem as though the trek from the bench to the free weights is a nearly impossible journey. When you are lifting weights, make sure to look really angry.
As for cardio machines, you are typically by yourself anyway, but if you want to add an edge, try to stare off into the distance and squint your eyes as though you are deeply contemplating something.
Onto the really tricky stuff – the ever so difficult eating alone. People turn eating into such a huge social event when it’s really just a physiological need.
You can, of course, revert back to the cell phone or maybe place an open book next to your food, but it still looks strange.
The only solution I’ve found is to purchase a “grab and go” item, which not only solves your eating alone dilemma, but remedies the issue of walking unaccompanied because you have an activity to occupy yourself.
If you are forced to eat alone for one reason or another, you should make sure to take a few precautions.
First of all, be sure to sit in the corner of the dining area, which tells everyone you do not want to be part of the social eating crowd. It also gives you what is known as a “power seat,” where you are able to view everyone but not everyone is able to see you.
Now this part is vital – under no circumstances should you use a straw. This will only make you look like a small child – no one looks cool with a straw and this will further knock your reputation.
Also, if you bring a book or something else to read, make sure it’s placed in front of your food.
By doing so, you make the book look like your primary objective, not the food, which signifies to people that you have so much studying to do you can’t even pry yourself away from the books to enjoy your dinner.Thus people will think it’s okay for you to be alone.
Another difficult venue to go to alone is the movies, but let’s face the facts, sometimes you may spot an ad for this chick flick that you really want to see but you realize that your internet girlfriend from Norway isn’t going to fly out just for this occasion.
If you go to the movies alone you should make sure to wear a beret – one of those French hats.
Also, bring a notebook and place it on the seat next to you. This will give off the illusion that you are a critic. People will assume you have to watch the movie extremely carefully, which is why you came by yourself.
Now, what if you find yourself going somewhere alone with the intentions of forcing yourself into a social interaction? Maybe for some reason you end up going to a bar or party by yourself. Obviously, it is not desirable to go to a club or party unaccompanied, but for one reason or another you find yourself standing alone in the corner.
The easiest way to remedy this is to jump into a conversation. I have developed one solid tactic for this. Rather than waiting for a conversation that allows you to share an interesting point, join any random conversation by saying “You know, technically, that’s illegal!” Believe it or not, it’s applicable to most, if not all conversations in either a joking or serious manner.
You can also begin to toy with something in the house such as a lamp or maybe a pet. Someone will either become interested in your activity or yell at you- either way you’ve forced an interaction.
I hope my insights have demonstrated that there’s a whole exciting world out there, and you can tackle it all by yourself and still look cool doing so.
