I’ve stayed a single guy through college so that I can leave my options open for sex, but I am not having all the great sex that I thought I’d be having. Why is this? And if I’m not having it, who is?


Dear Dude-Where’s-My-Sex,

I imagine that you are not the only single college student who wonders where all the amazing sex has gone. After all, these are supposed to be the best years of our lives – doesn’t that also mean the best sex of our lives?

There are a number of reasons that you, and many others, are not having this legendary frequent and wild sex that has always been associated with young single people. The first reason could be that you need to work on your pick-up skills. You may find yourself sexy, attractive and irresistible – but you may be the only one who does. That skill is something I can’t help you with – it’s something that you need to find deep within yourself.

The second reason that I suspect your condition has occurred is something that I found in the book “Sex in America” by Robert Michael, John Gagnon, Edward Laumann and Gina Kolata. This book, which describes the findings of a nationwide sex survey, discusses the real sexual practices of Americans. The authors say that although we are told that when we are young, single and restless in our college years, we should be having tons of sex – it’s actually those people in couples and marriages who are having the most sex.

It is also a common misunderstanding that having many partners equals more sex, but this is not the case. The one critical factor that produces the most frequent sexual activity is, in fact, being a part of a couple. Furthermore, having sex with only one partner results in having the most sex of all. The survey found that those who tried to juggle more than one partner ended up having less sex. This is because the actual time spent balancing those numerous partners and relationships could have been spent having sex with just one of them.

If the findings of this survey are indeed true, then what you should learn from them is that the availability of a steady partner greatly increases your access to sex. So, I’m sorry to report, your life-of-a-single-guy plan was probably all for naught. Go find yourself a partner and let the good times roll!

Got a question about relationships, love or sex? E-mail Adrienne Monley for real answers to your real questions at ctfeats@hotmail.com.

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