Hello, my name is Beth and I am nave.
I propose we start a new support group here on campus ? a support group for the hopelessly nave and trusting.
Until recently, I didn’t realize how severely I suffered, but now it is all clear.
There was the beggar in Boston to whom I gave money just because he asked. I assumed he wanted to buy food. It did not occur to me that he would go around the corner and buy crack, but he did. My bad.
There was that time in Florida when I gave the sketchy guy at the restaurant my e-mail address just because he asked. I assumed he just wanted it for posterity or something of the sort. You live, you learn and you get new e-mail addresses.
There was Barry, the creepy guy, in the gym back home whom I supplied with my full name and the color and make of the car I drove just because he asked. I assumed he was just making conversation. Boy, was I ever wrong.
If there ever were a true statement, it would be, “we all know that when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.” I am an ass.
And then there was the time over last summer that finally brought me to the realization that I am hopelessly nave and trusting.
My friend Sam ? all names have been changed to protect me ? had a party at his house. Late that evening, after Sam and most everyone had passed out in a drunken slumber, I was up talking to his two housemates.
After an hour or so, Jeff announced he was going to go and sleep up on the roof because it was something he had never done before. Mark and I nodded our heads in understanding and finished up our conversation.
This is where my navet really shines.
Jeff then proceeded to ask if I wanted to sleep up on the roof. Since I had never slept up on a roof either, I decided that would be an excellent opportunity. Everyone is always encouraging me to try new things, and this chance just fell in my lap. Perfect!
Up on the roof things seemed to be normal. Jeff and I just laid around and talked. No sooner had I commented on the unusual amount of falling stars than Jeff said, “If I see one more shooting star, I’m going to kiss you.”
I just looked at him with one of those perplexed looks. Where did that comment arise from?
“What do you think about that?” he asked.
I looked him straight in the eyes, and without flinching, gave my token response, “Whatever.”
I did not actually see the shooting star, but he kissed me so I assume there was one.
How nave was I? Let me point out the three main elements.
1. I did not recognize that “Wanna go sleep up on the roof?” was a pickup line.
2. A meteor shower was supposed to happen that night. I completely missed pickup line number two.
3. Jeff is an insomniac, he does not sleep. I sure dropped the ball on that one.
In light of all my troubles, I think a support group is needed. Every person, at some time or another, has fallen victim to his or her own thickheadedness. We all need help.
It’s times like these that I remember a saying a friend of mine once saw at a gas station ? “If you need help, just ask.”
Well, I need help, and I am asking, “Help.”
Haber can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.