Aries (March 21-April 19) – Going to a private college is like living in a bubble or, in Rochester’s case, a snow globe.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – If you’re naughty around Christmas time, you’ll get coal from Santa, but diamonds from your boyfriend!

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Strip dreidel is a lot of fun, unless the girls have latke breasts.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Dreaming of a white Christmas? There’s a guy across the bridge who might be able to help you out.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – As the only engineer at the campus’s swinger party, you’ll think it only right that you start the train.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – Motor oil isn’t the only lubricant whose smell is impossible to wash off your hands.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – While working on applications, you won’t be able to remember if the health admissions adviser emphasized nailing the interview or the interviewer.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Just as dogs smell fear and attack, men can smell women’s desperation.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Trying to save cash this holiday season? Break up with your girlfriend and reconcile after! Repeat at the beginning of February.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – With the last real weekend of the semester upon us, stoners won’t be the only high men to get destroyed on Saturday!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – As a grown woman, you’ve found that hot chocolate isn’t the only hot liquid to drink to warm up.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – While working on a design project, you’ll begin to wonder where the inventor of the ear muff got his inspiration.

(If you actually believe this, then you believe this semester has gone by fast.)



Orange Line service increases amid student dissatisfaction

The start of the semester saw the Orange Line overwhelmed, as five morning buses couldn't match the demands of students heading to campus.

Confronting colorism is more complicated than we think

Even now, I remember thinking if such an extreme degree of caution was worth it, if paleness truly was enough to sacrifice the plain, irreplaceable pleasure of sunlight on bare skin.

Burton’s chimneys are coming loose

Contractors have begun the work of removing Burton’s chimneys, causing six students to be temporarily relocated.