Archives - ClemenTimes Staff
April Fools
Mangelsdorf spotted protesting for Palestine, pledges to support students
“My responsibility as [UR’s] president is to protect and support students,” Mangelsdorf told the crowd. Read More
Bad Tattoo
This is awkward: I have a full back tattoo of Kanye and Jay-Z passionately embracing
Last week, I was at the public pool, about to swim a few laps, but I couldn’t even make it through one without being relentlessly mocked for my tattoo. Read More
Billboard Hits
A timely appeal to the youth: Mangelsdorf covers Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’
So I figure, good ol’ Tay Tay Swizzy is the bridge to make my anti-union stances clear—maybe these damn kids will finally shut the hell up.” Read More
April Fools
Humor editor resignation
Therefore, I have no choice but to set foot in a new direction. Read More
April Fools
Opinions resignation
As the wise Preminger from “Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper” once said, “Why don't you stick to your books, schoolboy.” Read More
20-story high parking lot
Why UR needs a 20-story parking lot on campus
According to all known codes of morality, there is little reason that the University should build a 20-story high parking lot. Read More
April Fool's
Marathon man
He died in service of his nation and has been flexed on about it for two millennia — and they aren’t even doing it right! Read More
