Archives - Chris Horgan
Humor
Made up reasons as to why people quit their jobs
1. A doctor quit being a pediatrician after ten years of never having enough patience. 2. A computer scientist quit her job after realizing she wasn’t a guy. 3. A physicist quit her job after discovering that the universe was expanding while her love for outer space wasn’t. 4. After fixing a man’s aorta, the […]
Humor
Ever Wetter
Get out your rain jackets fellow Yellow Jackets because spring is here. You know spring is here when you start wishing that your glasses came with built- in windshield wipers. However, I love spring. The smell of wet concrete clears up a cloudy mind. The rain showers make me feel as if I’m in a […]
Humor
Disney rommates cause ‘Whole New World’ for UR
Let’s imagine that admissions allowed you to pick a Disney character to be your roommate. The following comments are from people whose roommates were Disney characters – can you guess the famous character based on the reported incidents? -“My roommate gave me an apple which was supposedly meant to grant my wish. However, my wish […]
Humor
How to fend off the Rochesterian cold
Guess what? It’s winter! Winter is a very cold time of year for people at UR. I could go into detail about why it’s so cold, but I’ll just assume that you agree it’s cold. For those of you who are new to Rochester, you’re probably wondering what you can do to prepare for the […]
Humor
And they are off to the races, to watch of course
On Sunday, I went out to breakfast with my friend Mike. As we walked by the track, I began to think, “What a coincidence, so many people are outside running today.” It turned out more than 20 track teams were at Fauver Stadium to test their running abilities. We decided to head over to the […]
Humor
The Common Market is guaranteed to be sweet
After a rigorous lab session, I decided to get a piece of candy at The Common Market, but that isn’t always an easy decision. I realized that any piece of candy would qualify as a good choice, but I wanted to make the best choice. I glanced at the Airheads first. However, the phrase “you […]
Humor
Valentine’s Day Survival Advice
Happy day before Valentine’s Day! In case you haven’t heard, or are a single college student who is trying to zone out the fact that every person in a relationship is celebrating with their loved one while you just watch “The Notebook” marathon until tomorrow comes, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day. But don’t worry, […]
Culture
Interclass Living Council sponsors concert
As the narrator from “Field of Dreams” states; “if you build it, they will come.” In the case of guitarist Jeff Howard, who opened up a night of musical excellence at UR’s Drama House this past Friday, if he played it, they would come. After a few minutes of playing, Howard’s audience had already met […]
Humor
Jeff Howard is the man, man.
Jeff Howard is one of the best Arts and Entertainment editors around. Also, his contributions to the humor section have helped Campus Times rival the Harvard Lampoon, which isn’t that difficult, because more people laugh at a funeral than at the Harvard Lampoon--I may or may not actually believe this, but another editor told me […]
Humor
Still poking fun at the news
1. A squirrel in a Fort Wayne community center got into the electrical system and ended up costing the center $300,000 worth of damage. After causing a power surge that fried the systems, sources say the squirrel did not survive. Dinner? 2. A group in Oklahoma is protesting the restriction of same-sex marriage. All they […]
