Horoscopes

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – So you did that one thing that one time was “kind of” illegal and now you’re worried that “they” will find out. I can’t quite see what will come of that situation – all I can say is “delete KaZaA ASAP.” Aries (March 21-April 19) – Aries, fairies, marries, blueberries, Ben and Jerry’s, dairies, cherries – the best rhyming sign is Aries!Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Mogu.Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Look behind you in the tunnels – there may be a special someone following you.Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Wish upon a star. I’m not legally liable that your wish will come true, but it worked for Pinocchio.Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Has anyone ever told you that you don’t give up things easily? Maybe you should consider a career in politics. I hear there is some kind of election process going on now involving senators , governors and doctors. I hear it looks good on a resume.Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – I’m sure by now you’ve seen pictures of Janet Jackson’s little slip-up. Take that as a sign to be more attentive to your own appearance. I’m not suggesting going on “Ultimate Makeover” but at least comb your hair before that 9:40 class.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct . 22) – Shake yo’ ass! Shake what your mama gave you! Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Insert other rap term including the word shake here. Point is – take pride in what you have and live life to the fullest! Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Scorpios tend to be feisty – and vicious. Next time the kind folks at the Common Ground take 15 minutes to make your smoothie, take a chill pill – they’re just doing their job.Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21) – Remember that scene in “Tommy Boy” where Tommy spills the M&Ms into Richard’s car? The coming week will be like that. Don’t worry – they’re protected by a hard candy shell.Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – The groundhog said six more weeks of winter – he’s obviously never been to Rochesterland. With such a low attention span, I can’t blame you for getting cabin fever. Clueless of what to do during the next 12 or so weeks of winter? Turn back to page 9.Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – You know that cute professor you’re afraid to crush on? Turns out he’s single.(If you actually believe this, the salt stains have leaked into your bloodstream. This is not to be taken seriously.)