Chat, I just made the biggest decision in my life on a whim and I did it for the plot. Was this meant to be? For context, I’ve been dating one of the Voices in my head — specifically the one named Jimmithy — for the whole month of March. I could not get enough of him. He just kept coming back no matter where I went, as if he was always there. A little while ago, he asked for my hand in marriage. I was, of course, flattered. How can I refuse? He’s just so irresistible, with his deep dark eyes that I constantly get lost in, a jawline that cuts my porkchop for me, that exact 6’ 2” height with the perfect athletic build, and a perfectly placed scar on his right eye to add character. With features like that, I’d just wish he’d sweep me off my feet and hold me in his big arms forever. You all would have done the same if y’all were in my shoes. I guarantee that.
It was another usual date night with Jimmithy. He was wearing his classic suit to our YouTube and Chill night since neither of us can afford Netflix. Don’t get me wrong, he looked absolutely amazing in a suit — he looks good in everything — but there was one thing he could wear (or not wear) that would look even better.
Jimmithy may have noticed me looking at him for an extended period of time, since that was when he turned and looked me dead in the eye with his deep dark eyes and said, “You know, you don’t always have to spend time with me instead of your friends.”
“I just feel like I have a better time when I’m with you than with anyone else,” I replied. “You understand me when no one else does.”
Jimmithy looked a little sad, but he still nodded along.
“If you call this a good time, then how about I show you an even better time?” Jimmithy proposed, winking at me.
“Oh heck nawh. Not here. Not now. Let me just enjoy the video,” I said lazily, turning my face back to the TV, eyes focusing on the lead from PrestonPlayz’s “Minecraft Let’s Play” video.
“You know, if I was your entertainment, it doesn’t have to end. It can just be me and you, and you and me. Just us… and my friend Steve.”
As he said this, suddenly a figure appeared from the shadows. He had light blue eyes that I could find myself in, a jawline round enough to put any beer belly to shame, an exactly 2’ 6” height with a quintessential couch-potato build, and a perfectly-placed scar on his left eye, which I thought really just diminished his character.
Steve was a beauty — a beauty that could only be matched by my beloved, Jimmithy. “Hey. I’m Steve. And I’ve been here… the whole time.” He winked, took my hand, and kissed it. I was shocked by both the turn of events and his stunning looks. “Don’t be scared, baby boy. Jimmithy’s told me all about you. And I can give you exactly what you want.” His eyes turned back to the screen, and it was suddenly just the picture of a leash.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
Jimmithy looked at me, and I blushed. “Of course this is what I want, darling. I thought you’d enjoy this too. But if not…”
And with that, Steve faded away. I could smell him, still, in the air, but for the moment it was just me and Jimmithy, in the bedroom.
He whispered to me, “Take a leap of faith with me and life could be a dream… literally.” I took a moment to contemplate what Jimmithy said. A part of me wanted to know what could be, and the rest of me wanted to live for the lore. Jimmithy sensed my decision and with that he snapped his fingers and the scenery around me began to change.
The next time I opened my eyes, we were lounging by a sun-kissed lake as the sun set behind a far mountain. We lied on a grassy hill that perfectly overlooked the lake. A gentle breeze blew the scent of freshly cut grass and early summer through the air. I was holding Jimmithy’s hand with a ring on my finger. And… someone else’s. I turned to my side, and Steve, dressed in a ragged sweatshirt and cozy Bluey pajamas. Both spoke, at the same time: “We love you. And we’re here for you.”
To cut my story short, I might be the happiest person in the world. I’m married to the voice in my head, Jimmithy, and dating the other voice in my head, Steve. And I still get spousal tax benefits too. It’s a win-win situation.
It can’t be that weird.
