In my youth, I took a liking to card tricks. I believed that every trick was powered by some mystical force, allowing magicians to do anything they pleased. Soon I realized my misconception and learned the way in which card tricks were performed.
Right now, college is the main act in my life and the only thing it is making disappear is money. But what if the money you put towards tuition could be used at your own discretion towards the school? As in, if you wanted the school to get a new track, you could put your tuition towards the new track. For me, the first thing I’d do with my tuition is pay for everyone in the school to get a mini replica of the Susan B. Anthony building. I found a little brochure on campus and immediately began reading some pretty cool facts about Susan B. Anthony. Here’s a quick list:
-collected anti-slavery petitions at the age of 17.
-became the NY state agent for anti-slavery.
-played a key role in organizing an anti-slavery convention in Rochester.
After doing a little research on Susan B. Anthony, I still found it hard to believe that one of the buildings on campus accomplished all of this.
The next thing I’d do would be to buy a golden retriever for every dorm. Dogs are a human’s best friend. They would undoubtedly brighten each student’s day, and who knows, maybe the “the dog ate my homework” excuse would become more credible.
I’d also see if I could use the money to allow students an opportunity to ford the Genesee River – just like in Oregon Trail – instead of having students walk all the way to the bridge. Anyone who knows about “ford the river” knows that it is simply one of the most diabolical options ever offered in a video game. Just when you think you’ve made it, disaster strikes. It’s an okay idea as long as no one gets typhoid or loses an ox to illness.
Lastly, I’d try to push for UR to have a college game show. And the title would have to have a UR pun in it, like “JeopURdy” or “Wheel of fURtune.” The show would have the host asking one question: “what would you like to do with your life?” The last contestant to not break down in tears wins a buy-one-hat-get-one-free coupon. Or in other words, the opportunity to still overpay for two hats.
Horgan is a member or
the class of 2017.
