College is about maturing, networking, and, for some, hooking up. It can be hard to balance all three, especially with extracurriculars, challenging classes, and a packed social calendar. And for some, there is yet another aspect to consider: maintaining a long-distance romantic relationship. What do you get out of it? What don’t you get out of it? This week, we’ll explore how to best navigate a long-distance relationship, both before and during college.
For the sake of this discussion, let’s classify “long distance” as a three– or more–hour drive away. With this distance, you can see each other maybe once or twice a month, but definitely not during the week or every single weekend, especially if you’re both trying to balance everything going on in your respective lives.
In your first semester, you’ll find that college is far more stressful than people make it out to be. Classwork, homework, studying — it piles up fast. Anxiety rises, stress builds up, and it’s natural to want to relieve it by spending time with your partner. Well, if you’re in a long distance relationship, you can’t — at least not in the physical sense. There’s no kissing, no cuddling, and no shared orgasms, unless you’re resorting to phone sex, which may eventually grow old. Sex aside, there’s also the possibility of disconnection and missed opportunity. There could be disconnects in your schedules, making some plans difficult. At some point, you may have to choose between a social event or texting your partner if both of you can’t find any other shared availability. You might want to hang out with friends, but your partner could only be free to FaceTime in those same twenty minutes. All relationships take attention and effort, but long-distance ones demand a unique commitment from both parties, which is difficult in college. Do the downsides outweigh the benefits?
The answer to this: It depends. If handled with care, long-distance relationships can foster emotional intimacy, closeness, trust, patience, and healthy independence. They can teach both parties to rely less on physical connection and allow for time to miss each other. Time apart doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, it just means that the next time you do see each other it’ll be extra cherished, intimate, and fun!
While apart, you’ll also learn to have more emotional conversations, opening up to each other about the days you feel really alone or begin doubting your relationship. An emotional conversation could also just be talking more about your genuine love for each other, without the interruption of sexual thoughts. Plus, there are definitely ways to stay close, even at a distance. You could dedicate a time of the day to speaking to each other on the phone, even if that phone call leads to nothing more than doing homework together. You could share photos throughout the day to keep your partner updated on your daily activities. Even though long-distance relationships may not offer the same physical intimacy that in-person relationships do, that does not mean that they lack intimacy at all.
Overall, there are clear benefits and drawbacks to both. With a long-distance relationship, you have to seriously ask yourself if you are willing to put in the work and dedication needed to make them succeed. That work and dedication can improve your relationship and help you and your partner grow much closer. But it’s a tough choice, and a serious commitment, and that’s okay. College is full of choices, and long-distance love is just one of them. Weigh the benefits, face the drawbacks, and choose whatever excites you.
