In this final installment of the Spring 2025 semester (and my last edition as a Sex & the CT columnist), the remaining questions from the Sex & the CT Anonymous Submissions Form will be addressed. These questions were sent from college-aged respondents and have been edited for clarity.
Anonymous 21-year-old lesbian asks: “How long do you prep before pegging? How do gay men do this so easily?” – Confused and Alarmed
Confused and Alarmed, I have no experience in this department, but I am more than happy to do some preliminary research for you.
Going slow, lube, and communication are all key in preparing to peg your partner. The specific amount of time this preparation will take will likely depend on the individual and their experience with anal play. It is important to discuss this with your partner before initiating pegging.
Encouraging the receiving partner to have a clean back door can make this experience more enjoyable, as it reduces the risk of fecal matter getting on the dildo (but wrapping it in a condom can make cleanup later easier). Putting down towels can also help with cleanup. Showering beforehand and trimming the hairs around the anus may help reduce some discomfort. Personally, when I am properly groomed and cleaned, I feel more relaxed and comfortable. Douching the colon is optional.
Lube is crucial in any anal activity, but especially if you’re prepping to insert something larger than a finger, since the anal cavity does not naturally produce its own lubrication like the vagina does. Use plenty of lube and be sure to add more as you continue.
Just like prioritizing foreplay is essential in the pleasure of vaginal penetration, foreplay is key in making anal penetration enjoyable. Start slow, with rimming and light stimulation, then a finger or two, and then slowly add in the dildo. Since everybody’s experience and bodies are different, there isn’t really a set amount of time that this should take. Try different positions, and allow the receiver to take control by being the one to move their hips around and onto the dildo.
And remember, if it hurts, stop immediately. Mild discomfort at first is common, but at no point should anal penetration be painful.
Finally, aftercare is extremely important. Check in on your partner — penetrating someone who may not be used to it can be a vulnerable experience, both physically and emotionally. Get them some water, help them clean up, and reassure them of your feelings for them. Aftercare is also helpful to take note of what worked and what didn’t!
Be safe and have fun! For more information, feel free to reference these articles from Healthline, Kinkly, and Bad Girls Bible that I used to inform this response.
Anonymous 21-year-old straight male asks: “N/A”
I wish you six months of losing your erection in the middle of every hookup just for wasting my time.
Anonymous 21-year-old straight female asks: “My partner and I live together and are completely okay with not having sex super often, usually only like once a week (not because it’s bad, we are just so comfortable with each other that we don’t think about it a ton). Societal pressure makes it feel like we should be worried about this. What’s your advice? We aren’t super sex forward, but he’s my person and the relationship is very healthy.”
Oh Anonymous, the quality of your sex life, or your relationship for that matter, is not determined by the amount of sex you have. Desire varies from person to person — and from relationship to relationship!
I think it’s also really easy to forget that most of the societal narratives around sex that we’re used to are unrealistic for a majority of people. If writing this column has taught me anything, it’s that so many of us in college have been taught that sex and relationships should look a certain way. What’s more, what this “certain way” looks like is often dependent upon our upbringing and the people we surround ourselves with. These narratives get stuck in our heads and can leave us feeling dissatisfied or insecure with our own sexual desire.
Whether or not you should be worried about your sex life is something that you have to decide for yourself, not the rest of the world. Your sexuality is yours, and your sexual relationship is something that is unique to you and your partner.
Are you and your partner enjoying your sex? Are either of you dissatisfied with how often you’re having sex? Is it pleasurable? When you do have sex, does it bolster intimacy with your partner? Do you feel safe? These are the determinants of a healthy, happy sex life, not how many times per week you’re getting it on.
If you don’t believe me, Anonymous, take it from Emily Nagosky, Ph.D., who writes on sex and intimacy in relationships from an informed perspective as a sex educator. I highly recommend her book Come as You Are: Revised and Updated, as she works to dispel long standing myths of women’s sexuality (and the Revised and Updated version includes various gender identities in this as well).
Anonymous 20-year-old bicurious man asks: “Am I gay if I were to hypothetically imagine my girlfriend is a boy when we make out? And I liked it?”
I don’t know, just take an online quiz like the rest of us did in middle school.
Thank you, loyal Campus Times readers, for your submissions to the anonymous form this semester. Our submissions are now closed, as this humble writer is graduating in May. Writing about my niche interest while fulfilling my need to overshare in a public forum has been an absolute blast.
I leave you with this: so long as every party involved is an adult enthusiastically consenting to sexual activity, there isn’t anything wrong with you or your sexual expression. Also, lube is God’s greatest gift to humanity.
