To whom it may concern,

I would like to bring attention to an issue that greatly affects the student population as a whole.

As academics who value education, we all know the importance of libraries. Libraries are archives of history, palaces of modern thought, and calm environments for us academics to study and do research in. I’m sure we are all in agreement that libraries are sacred places which should be protected and kept unsullied by vulgar behaviors.

I am a humble and honest student, and I cannot stand to see acts of delinquency which promote savage behavior.

However, I have recently noted an increase in vulgar and crude actions that threaten to overthrow the values that we as a University hold dear.

Yes, I have bore witness to students holding hands as they walk around the library, and I’ve heard couples giggling loudly as they stare into each other’s eyes. 

This is an ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION of our Meliora values.

THESE COUPLES ARE TORMENTING US SINGLE PEOPLE. 

WHERE IS THE MELIORA IN HOLDING HANDS? WHERE IS THE INTEGRITY? WHERE’S THE RESPECT?

I’m tired of walking through Gleason and seeing couples cozied up next to each other. There is no epicness in that.

I’m tired of trying to do work while the couples next to me flirt at each other without a care in the world. There is no coolness in that.

Sure, showing affection to someone you care about is fine. Completely fine. It’s all okay and dandy. Absolutely no problem if you want to laugh at a funny joke or show someone that you appreciate them.

JUST PLEASEEE, PLEASEEE STOP FLIRTING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. GET A DAMN ROOM!!! Y’ALL COULD’VE BEEN ANYWHERE, FROM YOUR OWN DORMS TO THE BACK OF BUILDINGS, OR WHEREVER ELSE WE CAN’T SEE YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU GO TO ONE OF THE BUSIEST PLACES ON THE CAMPUS, IN THE PLACE WHERE ALL OF US ARE TOO BUSY FOCUSING ON OUR GRADES TO FOCUS ON FINDING LOVE???

As the unofficial official leader of the “Being Single is Cool” club, I am launching a petition to forever remove Public Displays of Affection (PDA) from our treasured Gleason Library, and to instead replace it with PDCE: Public Displays of Coolness and Epicness. 

It is only through being epic can we ensure that we students live up to Meliora standards, and only through being cool can we ensure that everyone is full of respect and integrity.

We as students must come together to condemn PDA and bring peace back to Gleason Library. 

I STRONGLY recommend that the University and the Student Government investigate this malicious behavior that aims to rip apart the social fabric of our society. Please act justly and END. THIS. DEVIOUS. BEHAVIOR.



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